Somewhere in the world, it’s peaceful tonight. Not so much in my heart.
Earlier today, the Doc offered to pull some consultants at a special conference into my case and I felt honored. Honored, yes. At peace, no. This means more evaluation, opinions and risky treatments. Even the generic for Valium isn’t enough to calm my fried nerves these days, to prevent seizure attacks. The drug actually made everything worse this past weekend. Twenty-eight hours of noxious symptoms with 2 breaks of about 3 hours each! And I felt like I had the flu during this “breaks.” No peace for the weary.
I’ve stayed up unusually late this evening because I just can’t face the seizure-like tics again tonight. Lord have mercy! Will I make it all the way until dawn? The episode earlier today was discouraging since I knew that I would not have a very long time to rest afterwards. Had some medical appointments and had to be up and going before 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon. I know, poor me. In bed til late again. It was five hours of sleep in a 4-hour and 1-hour segment and it’s a weird thing when it all comes after 5:00 a.m.!
Then again, there was a peace within me at church this evening. I stood up, thanked everyone for praying for me, and asked for prayer over the new consultations. I’ve been to the Wednesday night service twice in the past 2 months and Sunday morning worship the same amount. Tonight I not only got to sit with my husband and be his wife in church, I gratefully got to go out to eat dinner afterwards too. Subway feels like the finest cuisine in town when you haven’t been on a date with your beau in a very long time. I love Steve so much! Last night he held me close until I fell asleep finally at 5:00 a.m. That’s love.
So Lord, you’ve allowed so many difficult times in my life lately and yet I can see sweet moments too. The little things mean more again, a lesson that I have benefited from many times. I think I’m going to borrow your peace tonight and place it in my heart until I can find my own. Thank you for some time out with Steve and doing some creative work this evening. I probably should have been sleeping, I know. I am weak. You are strong. Be my strength once again and get my hind end to bed already!
New King James Version (NKJV)
121 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.