So much to let go. So much that still haunts this troubled mind and body. Troubled? Yeah, a side effect of battling an illness that affects your central nervous system. Negative emotions are magnified, fears are stronger than they need to be, stress responses come more easily, and a cynical attitude creeps into more and more moments. It’s a battle and little of needs to be mine, actually.
As a believer in Jesus Christ, we have THE warrior on the throne, can embrace HIS spiritual armor, and trust that HE will be the victor in the end. He promises all this to those who love Him and call Him Lord. It honors Him to call upon His name with our praises and requests. Remembering this fights against the workings of my brain these days a little more than the distractions and temptations we all face. No, I’m not special. I’m just selected! And I get to write about what I learn along the way!
I used to have a God Box. It was a tool introduced to me during my years in Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics’ meetings. The Lord used 12-Step meetings as a first step to finding a personal relationship with God (AKA Higher Power); I now know God as my Savior, Jesus Christ. By writing a prayer request, troubling thought, or need on a slip of paper, I had a symbolic way of turning people/places/things over to Him when I put the paper in the God Box. My Box was a little plastic folder with imprinted with a world map. Somehow it seemed significant to me as a reminder that the Lord is everywhere, cares about everyone including me.
So this blog is another form of a God Box. Here’s the list on my piece of paper today:
Lyme Disease. Treatment decisions. $250 per week out of pocket for medical expenses. Restitution I feel my ex-husband owes me. Amount of money I was entitled to but didn’t take from the settlement of my father’s estate. Daily physical pain. Dreams for my jewelry business. Upcoming craft show. VISA bills. Yard work I’m unable to complete. Last few CEUs for my OT license that need to be done even though I ‘m not working. Seizure attacks. Headaches; will the new OTC med. that worked for me yesterday work when I need it again? The need to exercise and the intolerance of most exercise. Oh dear. There is so much and it escalates to near panic if I don’t stop when the avalanche starts. I’ll stop here. I need a good word badly!
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. From Hebrews 4 (NIV)
Lord I give you these heartaches this day. I lay them at Your throne of grace. I pray for your mercy and help in my time of need. I also place before you the readers of this blog. Bless them, Lord for caring about me and perhaps considering the role You may have in their lives. I pray that each one would come to know you as Lord, lover of his or her soul, friend, and sojourner through this life. Strengthen those who already know You. For Your glory, Lord. In Jesus name. Amen.