I thought I would be feeling better by now. After all, we remediated our home for mold at great expense and disruption to our lives. The Lord provided a good part of the resources to cover many of these expenses; in time He will replenish all of our resources. In the meantime, our home looks lovely as it’s really clean and the carpeting/vinyl flooring now sports a Canadian Maple engineered hardwood. Wow. I really like it!
But I still have knife-like headaches and feel sick. I fear seizure attacks every evening, especially when falling asleep or waking up in the morning. Thankfully, I haven’t had one in the last day and one-half. I got pretty close with multiple nauseating “pre-tic” episodes yet no full-blown neuromuscular events. Thank you Jesus!
So why am I so down? Who knows. It’s part of dealing with chronic illness and part of deepening my faith in the One who has crafted this life of mine. I must stay in moments more tiny than ever before, where I can find peace, comfort, and even joy. I must stay with a grateful heart and humility. However, to strive harder to do any of these things will hurt me. I’m just not that perfect! Guess I won’t work on the house any more today, like putting up drapes that were dry cleaned. All of this stuff of life can wait. My time is now with you, gentle reader, and with my Savior.
Prayerfully I seek so much when the point is really just to dwell with the one true God, the person Who is God: Jesus. Yes, it blesses Him to pray and is my calling as a believer, to make my needs known. It grows my faith and keeps me in a right relationship with the sovereign Creator, to look to Him for answers and not the people/places/things of this world. Love people. Hold places and things lightly as they are transient. Instead, I shall put my trust in the Lord who transcends them all infinitely.
In His bigness that is inconceivable in my finite mind, my Lord and Savior has a plan for even this headache, this difficulty functioning, these tears held back so I can see the computer screen. And if He has a plan for me despite my misery, He has a plan for you despite yours too. The Lord cares. The Lord cries with you and me. The Lord loves us more than anyone or anything in this life. We are His when we confess our sin, seek forgiveness, and once (and forever) accept Him as Lord and Savior of our lives. That is all you and I have to do!
How do I know all of these things? I mean, people blog anything these days, seeking notoriety for their own meaningless thoughts that would never stand a test of time let alone eternity. I know these things and these things are true because it is written in His Word. It is written on our hearts that yearn for unfailing love. It is written in our minds that yearn for answers, for truth. It is reflected in the beautiful complexity of creation all around us. Chaos Theory did not know that I needed to catch a glimpse of the bluebirds flying back to our bird feeder my first morning when I felt “in shock” after being away from home 76 days! It was His omniscience! It is the absolute truth to the mystery of our questions of: “what is life?” and “why are we here?” And it is woven into each and every yearning soul. We know and believe because He has revealed Himself to us in His Word.
Have you been in The Word lately? Follow me to a place where you can start reading about the One in Whom we both can place our trust. I’ll meet you there. I know it’s late or you’re busy or you gotta go to the bathroom! Just take a minute to start. It could change your life. It just renewed mine . . .