Sometimes you have to make a choice. You are at a dead end or maybe lost. Perhaps what worked in the past will no longer suffice. Or perhaps you are facing the most difficult reason: an external force requires you to act immediately. Regardless, the process goes more gently when covered in prayer to the One who sees you and your situation, cares for you, knows your heart and heartache, and has a plan an purpose for your life. That plan and purpose includes the crossroads in which you find yourself. Stepping forward into the arms of the loving and perfect Father through a relationship with His son, Jesus Christ, will carry you through the decision every time. He already knows, sees . . .
Gratefully I don’t have to stress very long these days before I’m at the throne of grace with my alms of concern. I understand that it blesses the Lord to come before Him with all things big and small; such a mystery of His amazing grace. This week had them both for me.
Big decision: sell the Beam Ray/Rife machine in which Steve and I invested so much hope and resources just 1-1/2 years ago. It’s not working for me and I cannot tolerate most of the frequencies anymore. Time to let it go and move on.
Small decision: relinquish my cheaper cell phone with a slider keyboard for a smartphone. We will benefit from having it on the road when travelling and it will expand my online business possibilities. Time to let go and move forward.
Big decision: place active Lyme and mold treatments on hold to eradicate a serious systemic yeast infection. This requires risking more noxious events to kill the fungus that is hurting me and may even be contributing to the seizure attacks, etc. I seek wisdom in the timing of all of this with the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Alas, it is time to let go of the time table and move ahead carefully.
Small decision: discontinue the IV magnesium treatments at number 28 because the symptomatic “cost-benefit analysis” don’t compute anymore. Sometimes you simply have to choose.
Medium decision: sold my (beginning) surf ski kayak called a Stellar SR. This one brought tears. This illness has challenged my fitness and balance skills making the mastery of paddling this specialty kayak quite difficult. Steve just sold a kayak as well so we likely will invest in a solo outrigger canoe and share it. These are awesomely cool, fast paddling boats that just might work with either kayak or canoe paddles. Yeah but I let go of the SR before ever mastering it. I got sick after paddling it October 11, 2011: my third time on the water with it. Seeing it go on a rainy afternoon was a gray reminder of the past 2 years of illness and brought up feelings of failure. Sish, maybe this was a bigger decision than I thought. The tears are making it hard to see the computer screen right now . . .
I think tomorrow will be a retreat day. Steve and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary and perhaps something simple will be nice this time. One of the best decisions of my life was to move out of State to marry Steve 6 years ago. Ahhh my intended beloved. How the Lord has blessed me with a man after His own heart as you! However we choose to spend our time together, I am sure that it will be wonderful.
O.k. so I just went from tears to blushing. Allow me to send you off with a prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank you for seeing and hearing the hearts of Your children each day. Help us to reach for the shadow of Your wings to carry us when we cannot stand, to shelter us when we must wait on your Divine hand in our lives, to lift us when it is time to step out in faith once again. If it is Your will I ask for healing for me from this complicated mix of illness and for the Gentle Reader finding you this day whilst reading this blog. Cover us with Your healing grace and merciful love. Guide us in our decisions for your glory Lord. And help us to keep our eyes fixed on You, waiting with great expectation for Your Providence to unfold. I love you Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.