If a heart weeps for all that is gone
Must it place value in only that left behind?
If a moment in time is all that we have together
Will you remember me when your last breath reminds you there is none left?
If a baby bunny can nourish itself from my well-tendered garden intended for me
Could the disease inside of me eat away at my strength til there is none left to redeem?
Yeah that last one doesn’t encourage me much so I better stop right there. I’m struggling to make sense of the 12 hours of seizure attacks that ended yesterday. Periodic re-occurrences continued of course leaving me afraid to go to bed whenever I got brave enough to go to bed. Wretchedness with writhing, head-banging, moaning, and more greet me in the first stages of “sleep” every night. Make sense out of that one! These episodes make me suspicious of anything that might trigger them. Inside my heart I am angry, I am hurt. I am exasperated. I am . . .
I am in need of renewal inside and out. Where are you Lord? Fill my spirit with your unending grace. Please make your presence known such that I might endure, recover from this hell. I submit to You my king. There is none like You. For your glory. Amen. JJ