No plant reacts instantly to a brief change in conditions. But a change that persists is an invitation to wake up. (From the Dirt Simple blog.)
Lately I am finding myself in a place in my world that brings me to a humbling yet screeching halt. I ask: what has happened to the me I once knew and where the heck did I land? The Lord knows the journey that has transpired; the witnesses have varying accounts of this or that as well. But it is the markers in time, the events out of the ordinary that bring the changes to light, that clarify what is actually seen. Let’s see if I can explain a bit more about what is going on over here as one of those episodes hit me hard . . .
Three days ago the daily seizure attacks that I have suffered for 5 years ramped up to over SIX HOURS PER DAY. One day these were all in a row, virtually without ceasing until the wee hours of the morning. The next day I got a divided dose of 3 1/2 hours in the morning then an encore of SIX MORE HOURS in the evening! I cannot even describe to you the mental and physical anguish this brings. Time stops. A single breath, one then the next, is the only measure in my mind of the clock of life ticking forward. Difficult decisions got made between my beloved and I resulting in his cancelled trip getting replaced with the sights and sounds of another hospital emergency room. The drug they gave me helped. Miraculously, the convulsive spikes are but a blip here and there for now.
I have had over a day now to contemplate what life might be like to be normal again. Indeed the pain has gone down some, the brain fog got less misty, and my ability to move improved. So I completed a small garden project yesterday and walked our dog this evening. I think that the ER Doctors who have told me that this illness isn’t biological are dead wrong. Stop the seizing and I don’t need a psychiatrist to tell me to get back into life. I don’t need convincing. It just happens!
There is much to figure out right now. Will I get to work on more treatment like taking down viral infections? How long will I stay on the new medication that could hurt me if it was too long? What will I really do with my life should this process of healing continue? I am hopeful again and that is good. Alas it is poetic that these changes should occur as the earth warms from the cold of Winter outside. Unlike the plants that are either remaining dormant out there or are testing their new growth with some surges in our Spring-like weather lately, I will wait to wake up all the way. In the meantime maybe I can do some good with this wee bit o’ energy. After all, there is no rushing a beautiful awakening to a new life.
Five years is a long time to have been asleep.
I bought a new truck like my Dad’s just 5 days before a kayaking trip changed my life forever. I got sick from the water. I don’t know why I told you that. It’s been a long detour. Now things are changing wildly. Maybe the new beginning will need to involve a little road trip in my sweet ride? To the nursery just out of town of course. They sell bags of shredded pine bark compost that should fortify our garden vegetable beds nicely.
See what I mean? It’s already happening . . .