Between a rock and a hard place

headache back pain comicSometimes you have to make a choice.  You are at a dead end or maybe lost.  Perhaps what worked in the past will no longer suffice.  Or perhaps you are facing the most difficult reason:  an external force requires you to act immediately.  Regardless, the process goes more gently when covered in prayer to the One who sees you and your situation, cares for you, knows your heart and heartache, and has a plan an purpose for your life.  That plan and purpose includes the crossroads in which you find yourself.  Stepping forward into the arms of the loving and perfect Father through a relationship with His son, Jesus Christ, will carry you through the decision every time.  He already knows, sees . . .

Gratefully I don’t have to stress very long these days before I’m at the throne of grace with my alms of concern.  I understand that it blesses the Lord to come before Him with all things big and small; such a mystery of His amazing grace.  This week had them both for me.

Big decision:  sell the Beam Ray/Rife machine in which Steve and I invested so much hope and resources just 1-1/2 years ago.  It’s not working for me and I cannot tolerate most of the frequencies anymore.  Time to let it go and move on.

Small decision:  relinquish my cheaper cell phone with a slider keyboard for a smartphone.  We will benefit from having it on the road when travelling and it will expand my online business possibilities.  Time to let go and move forward.

Big decision:  place active Lyme and mold treatments on hold to eradicate a serious systemic yeast infection.  This requires risking more noxious events to kill the fungus that is hurting me and may even be contributing to the seizure attacks, etc.  I seek wisdom in the timing of all of this with the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  Alas, it is time to let go of the time table and move ahead carefully.

Small decision:  discontinue the IV magnesium treatments at number 28 because the symptomatic “cost-benefit analysis” don’t compute anymore.  Sometimes you simply have to choose.

Medium decision:  sold my (beginning) surf ski kayak called a Stellar SR.  This one brought tears.  This illness has challenged my fitness and balance skills making the mastery of paddling this specialty kayak quite difficult.  Steve just sold a kayak as well so we likely will invest in a solo outrigger canoe and share it.  These are awesomely cool, fast paddling boats that just might work with either kayak or canoe paddles.  Yeah but I let go of the SR before ever mastering it.  I got sick after paddling it October 11, 2011:  my third time on the water with it.  Seeing it go on a rainy afternoon was a gray reminder of the past 2 years of illness and brought up feelings of failure.  Sish, maybe this was a bigger decision than I thought.  The tears are making it hard to see the computer screen right now . . .

I think tomorrow will be a retreat day.  Steve and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary and perhaps something simple will be nice this time.  One of the best decisions of my life was to move out of State to marry Steve 6 years ago.  Ahhh my intended beloved.  How the Lord has blessed me with a man after His own heart as you!  However we choose to spend our time together, I am sure that it will be wonderful.

O.k. so I just went from tears to blushing.  Allow me to send you off with a prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank you for seeing and hearing the hearts of Your children each day.  Help us to reach for the shadow of Your wings to carry us when we cannot stand, to shelter us when we must wait on your Divine hand in our lives, to lift us when it is time to step out in faith once again.  If it is Your will I ask for healing for me from this complicated mix of illness and for the Gentle Reader finding you this day whilst reading this blog.  Cover us with Your healing grace and merciful love.  Guide us in our decisions for your glory Lord.  And help us to keep our eyes fixed on You, waiting with great expectation for Your Providence to unfold.  I love you Lord.  In Jesus’ name, amen.

Thunder and Lightening

“Rain, rain go away.  Come again some other day.”

The kid’s rhyme had it right for me this morning.  Oh at first the badda bing badda boom didn’t bother me as the bedroom lit up with a raging thunderstorm storm outside.  The thunder rocked the windows and I’m sure the pup in the kitchen was making her way to cower in the bathroom!  Yeah, I understand that.  It was time for me to retreat as well . . .

When I was a kid we used to say that the boom, boom, bang of a thunderstorm was the angels bowling!  We also said that the rain was the angels crying.  We Catholic kids had a lot of fairy tales we told to get us through the scary stuff.  (Smile.)  Now that I am a believer in Jesus Christ, I turn to the Bible for truth and have learned that angels are real, were created by God, and have specific tasks that they perform both here on earth and in the heavenly realm as directed by God.  Wow.  Angels have nothing to do with thunderstorms!

But thunderstorms have everything to do with my illness of late.  The tic and seizure attacks are worse when the clouds and weather systems collide out there.  I can’t control it nor stop it.  There ain’t no antidote neither.  I just hold on for the ride.  Perhaps it’s part of my sensitivity to electromagnetic frequencies these days, manifest in the computer router, various electronic treatment modalities, and extensive cell phone usage.  Sigh.  What will I be sensitive to next?  Yes, the smell of soap on my husband’s scalp last night came close . . .

And yet today I am grateful for the rain.  The grass was looking a little crispy and I hadn’t been able to water my gardens last night due to noxious symptoms.  So here I sit, earlier than I should be awake on a Saturday morning, feeling “fried” again, and wondering what to do with myself.  My husband left early to run the United States Canoe Association races at Rivergames, part of the 3 Rivers Festival in our city.  He will be racing his Mohican in the K-1 unlimited class against some stiff competition (if TED shows up today!).  I am so proud of Steve.  He held me close last night during severe seizure attacks that lasted about 1 1/2 hours.  Twas hell.  We had some tense words later about some of the difficulties managing this season of life that we are in then we each took care of various tasks before bedtime.  I’m glad to say that we “kissed and made up” too, and all is well again.  About 5 hours later, we are both up again:  Steve is off to the races and what is left of me is here with you . . .

The rain has now stopped and all I hear is the roar of an emergency vehicle’s siren in the distance.  Lord, go before them and be with those in need of your care.  As for me, I am grateful to report that I am now past the personal thunder and lightening that began this day.   For me to be of use for Your kingdom, Lord, I must rest and recover now.  Perhaps I can join my beloved later for the crazy raft races that will follow the USCA races at the Festival.  Yeah, a good laugh will be good medicine.

Looking forward to loving a rainy night one of these ‘ol days . . . Eddie Rabbit  got it right in his song decades ago . . .  Click on the link and enjoy!