The Sauna I Once Loved

Like an old lover that must fade into the background of new life

My sauna must go forth to its new owner, leaving me FIR behind.

She needs it to arrest the cancer in her own body and that of her Mom,

Imagine that: a generational curse that threatens the life between them.

I am happy to pass to them this box of promise, of hope

Bringing them much relief as the toxins melt away with the wavelengths of light.

As for me I am melancholy this day, this night

For I thought I would fare better for the investment therein.

The last of my inheritance was spent the year the Sunlighten entered our home

Hopeful with the promise of a cure from what all ailed me at the time: at first, it was great.

The warmth was undeniable especially on cold Indiana nights

When nothing else would do . . . no nothing else at all.

But did it help purge the alleged chronic Lyme embedded deep within

The bacterium, the viruses, the fungal creatures claimed on imperfect tests?

I may never know as the onslaught hath continued from the rigors of this life

From living in a fallen world hell-bent on our demise, our redemption one day for us all.

Just don’t see how this tool that I once loved, held so much promise

Is worth holding onto longer when all it collects is dust in our living room now.

So onto the next thing I shall be: from the consult of last week to the specialist to come

When in the meantime I know it’s the Lord that is my Great Physician and yours:

The object of my greatest love indeed.

SOLD!!!

When the adventure is inherent in the day

No fancy definition needed

When the adventure is inherent in the day.

Not exactly a mountain top experience

Or reaching the limits of form and space.

Nor costly in the typical sense of words

For no one wants to spend thousands on health.

Nothing like it in the normal world

But for me it’s no, not, nor, nothing then let’s go anyways.

The effort to live with serious illness

Even when the trials are less to write about

Are no smaller challenge, adventure shall we say

Because you really don’t know the outcome when you head out the door.

There may be pictures (scans), adrenaline rushes (injections) oh my,

Better hold on sissies, cause there ain’t no manual when you decide to try.

And try I have, a thousand times over

To some avail with microscopic progress, not perfection by any means.

Today was no exception as my head swum with radioactive tracer

Driving down the road hungrier, less self-assured, ready to make it anyways.

So what’s in your adventure portal?

The one with an open-ended plan

Make room for the derailments of this life

‘Cause nothin’ better than that Gentle Ones. ‘K Lord, let’s go!

Countdown to Mayo

I’m kind of freaking out over here. No really. You would think I was preparing to go for the biggest medical evaluation of these 8 1/2 years battling a serious illness, or something. Well maybe I am!

The little city that comprises Mayo Clinic: most buildings and surrounding businesses are connected via the underground Subway Level. You may never have to go outside in the cold!

Some of my medical conditions have flared a bit lately, requiring medication and distracting me from my primary goal at the moment: preparing for a consultation at the famous Mayo Clinic. I have SIX medical appointments this week alone, FOUR next week! Gratefully, the locations of these appointments have put me in the proximity of places from which I need to gather medical records; one of them proved to be timely in addressing the flare-up of an acute, stress-related condition: shingles! Thank the Lord I caught that one early! Ugh. And just about everything related to my care will have been updated by the time we leave for Rochester, Minnesota: the biggest snow belt of the United States of America! Not that I am stressing over that one as well? Maybe so.

My beloved is both helping and complicating the process with his energetic ideas, last-minute plans, and on again/off again pursuit of a better, new-used truck. Turns out we are letting the last one go for now. Yay! There are always extra expenses and things to do when you make a major purchase. Now is not the best time for us to buy a truck! We really need to think through this purchase a little more, focus on our trip to the “Mayos,” and get some other proverbial ducks in a row. Steve will still be off working hard and doing his various activities in the meantime before we leave . . . seeya for dinner or at bedtime when you return home my love. (Yes, we still have a very late household.)

What’s left to do:

  • Receive the medical records from the Doctor and 2 hospitals I have visited the most.
  • Organize and condense hundreds of pages of test results into about 50 pages, labeled in some meaningful way.
  • Confirm arrangements with the hotel who promises NOT to use fragranced products in our room prior to our arrival. So bummed that an Airnb didn’t work out nor the Serenity House Network.
  • Pack WARM clothing, dog food, new dog medications, numerous supplements and medications for me, and enough food to get us through the first few days in the northern tundra. Gratefully our hotel room will have a kitchenette; it’s too frigid for our usual mode of camping via our “mobile clean room.” Most important on the packing list of my beloved: cross-country skis! I may take my snowshoes as well.
  • All the other stuff you do when away from home like laundry, placing he mail on hold, watching the weather here to have the snow shoveled when we are away, watching the weather there to confirm suitable road conditions, and the like. Should be less work than camping for sure!

While this process is exceedingly stressful when still battling a serious illness with bad convulsive episodes virtually every day, I am exceedingly grateful for the opportunity to got to the Mayo Clinic. Thank you Lord! It’s rated the best hospital in America! The top Doctors in the area of autoimmunity and neuroimmunology conduct research and see patients at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. I have heard first-hand from some of my new Doctor’s patients and they state that he provides excellent care. Yay!

I am also glad that I did not go the Mayos 3 years ago when I was looking for new answers to troubling medical questions. Since then, we have further tested and treated for Chronic Lyme disease, lowered my burden of heavy metals, healed from various dental procedures and treatments, investigated numerous other potential infections, addressed/ongoing orthopedic issues, completed a comprehensive cardiac work-up, and even received genetic testing and coaching. It’s been a busy 3 years! All of these conditions could have explained this horrible illness but they did not. Good news: I can now tolerate more of the supplements and medications that are needed to re-build my health (which was impossible to do without triggering convulsive episodes in the past).

My prayer has always been that something of value would come from over 8 years of daily struggle. The Lord has been faithful to see us through even the darkest hours where demonic influences were palpable, suffering greater than I can even describe. Both Steve and I have been tested beyond what we thought we could ever bear yet the Lord has met us, sustained us, even carried us. There were sweet moments along the way that served to encourage us. We understand that others have been encouraged by our testimony as well. Yay God! Overall, these past 3 years preparing to go to the Mayo Clinic certainly were not wasted, that is for sure. It’s time to rally for a cure.

Let’s hope so, eh Gentle Reader? We are hopeful again! JJ

The things we do for some sun

We’re home from our whirlwind trip to Florida that almost didn’t happen so soon after being diagnosed with new gut issues then battling the flu followed by it’s aftermath for 2 weeks thereafter. We did it anyways! Four long days of driving for 3 days in the Sunshine State. Here was our itinerary:

4:00 pm January 9th decide to pursue reservations and plans to go to Florida; finish seemingly endless packing, food and other preparations.

2:00 pm January 10th: Elle pup is the first in the truck as we depart Huntertown, IN for the campground south of Atlanta. Arrive around 2:00 am.

1:00 pm January 11th depart for Seminole, Florida. Arrive around Midnight. Set up our campsite at Bickers RV Park.

My mobile clean room amidst the palm trees!

9:00 am January 12th was Steve’s first day of the USCA Annual Meeting. I rested from various convulsive episodes en route and travelling.

6:00 pm we make our way to the banquet at a seaside restaurant. Had episodes later yet I was grateful for a dinner out with my beloved Steve.

8:30 am January 13th: Steve heads out for the wrap up of the USCA Meeting, lunch, and paddling 6-man outrigger canoes on the ocean. Great fun!

11:00 am My day begins with self care, laundry, doggie care and some time sitting outside. Some restoration begins, however convulsive episodes persist at night. Make pre-planned dinner anyways and prepare for appointment tomorrow.

10:00 am Appointment with Craniomandibular Specialist, Dr. Ralph Garcia, for adjustments to dental appliances. Begin to question where the 80% improvements of last year have gone? Drop off thank you gift to a friend, lots of driving in the Tampa area, and fit in a 45-minute walk along Clearwater Beach before returning to the campground. Even 60 degree weather could not keep us away! Episodes were discouraging to both of us later that night.

11:30 am Pack up and depart for Chattanooga, TN. Arrive after midnight. My Nissan Frontier is a workhorse yet requires stops for gas every 110 miles! Elle pup made the entire trip nicely.

1:30 pm Pack up and re-winterize Camplite for our return to freezing temps back home. Depart for Huntertown, IN by way of Nashville.

3:30 pm EST meet up with Steve’s sweet daughter, Rebekah, for early dinner. Ramp up of convulsive episode at older Thai restaurant prompted me to leave, scramble to the truck, and take some Prednisone. Episode resolved (meds prevented further episodes later on this night), so we head to Panera Bread across the street for a nice visit. Got back on the road around 6:00 pm.

3:00 am arrive home and start unhooking the travel trailer, unpacking, decontamination procedures, urgent laundry. Grateful for the ability to do all this work on a short night of sleep followed by long days of travelling. The Lord added His increase once again!

5:30 am: heading for bed with prayers of gratitude for safe travels, the Lord’s provision of this trip, some sweet moments, and fewer symptoms between us of the flu/cold that began 3 weeks ago. I’ll spend the next week cleaning the Camplite, doing laundry, restocking, and reorganizing as required when camping in our “mobile clean room.” Maybe I’ll get to finish 2 sewing projects for the bunks soon too?

How amazing it is that I got to go to Florida! “Warm sunshine” is very therapeutic as is getting a change of scenery. Yeah God! I love travelling with my Stevers. My heart is filling back up again . . .

No Place to Go

Steve pic of A Lori stuff 7.27.18

This morning as I watched my gracious husband take pictures of the items a family member had claimed were stolen, I realized I had no other place to go.

Who would understand the betrayal after having suffered a severe health setback trying to care?

Who would understand that every level of commitment virtually every day this entire year would end with them throwing my heart against a brick wall?

Who would know the many levels of loss that continue as I seek treatment to get my body back to baseline again?

Who would understand that grieving this failure, this dead end would rekindle the sorrow from heartaches in the not-so-distant past as well?

How does that come to any kind of closure when your heart is crying, your thoughts are heavy, your body is aching, your world is smaller, and there are piles of things to do around you?

There is only one place to go:  to the One Who grieves for my pain, Who grieved tears of living blood for the sorrows of us all:  more than I will ever know.

My Savior, Jesus Christ, faced ridicule, betrayal, torture, and unjust punishment that cost Him His life so that I may be free one day of lesser losses that come with this life.

Just gotta lie at the foot of His cross for as long as it takes until the burdens are lighter, so that I may go on even better somehow.

My joy is tiny today.  My Jesus is bigger than life itself.

Jesus, take the wheel.

JJ