You just don’t know what you don’t know

I’ve got 2! How about you? Ugh.

When I was ruminating about how to manage some new symptoms, I stumbled upon the benefits of unsweetened bitter herbs in balancing blood sugars. This discovery has helped manage some wild fluctuations but it is not a fail-proof strategy. I still bottomed out yesterday with seizure attacks at the kitchen table about an hour after following this new sequence. My beloved had to feed me while I shook, leaning precariously on our glass dining room table. It hurt. This situation is still hell.

It’s clearer more now than ever before that the swinging of my blood glucose levels is contributing to seizure attack episodes and the difficulty managing both of them. The endoscopy ultrasound (EUS) this past week found a particular type of pancreatic cyst, pre-cancerous but one in which surgery is not currently recommended. So while I grasp the magnitude of what a 6-month surveillance program looks like for the potentially deadliest of cancers, I am dealing with yet another new diagnosis: pre-diabetes. Say what? Tis much to bear right now.

I’ve spent most of my adult life managing “borderline hypoglycemia” with diet. This means no concentrated sweets, higher fiber foods, protein-rich snacks between meals and only low-sugar fruits with the baseline concerns of dairy-free, gluten-free, low-medium oxalate, largely organic/non-GMO, and lower in the categories of red meat and night shades. Whew. It’s a miracle that I have found anything to eat at all! Or that I have not gained a ton of weight when battling serious illness these past 8 years. Food is fuel and there are now more specialized products on the market from which to choose. Thank you Lord! “They say” that hypoglycemia can turn into diabetes sometime in a person’s life. I also understand that pre-D can be reversible with lifestyle changes. O.k., so let’s go for that option.

Still I have come to the end of my ability to figure out what to do now. The Docs say that the pancreatic cyst, even though it’s in the organ that manages blood sugar for the body via insulin and glucagon, has little to do with blood sugar difficulties per se. Full blown diabetes is associated with a greater risk of cancer when you have a pancreatic cyst. What about pre-diabetes? “I can refer you to a dietitian if you like,” said the Nurse Practitioner in the gastroenterology oncology department. Why sure! What else have you got that I haven’t tried already folks? Exogenous ketone supplements without the sweeteners? I’m on it, however even the ketogenic diet under the direction of a hospital dietitian didn’t help me two years ago. Too much fat these days triggers belly pain anyways. Tough challenge for sure. Referral is now pending.

Call me cynical because I am. I am in shock. Thankfully there are Facebook and online support systems, even apps for these diagnoses so I will avail myself to them. The isolation of being home alone dealing with all of this is crushing however. I tried leaving the house the day before the EUS procedure to get some errands done and came home really messed up. I always carry a lunch bag of special foods and water with me when I leave the house. And now it’s just not enough. I’ve reached out to my Doctors at Mayo Clinic to see if there is more expertise out there on these matters, particularly in connection to the seizure-like episodes. I cannot get into see an endocrinologist locally until JANUARY!

I just don’t know what I don’t know right now. Are you working Your plans somehow through all of this my precious Lord? Help me Lord! JJ

P.S. My new favorite snack is Hippeas Himalayan Happiness

HIPPEAS Organic Chickpea Puffs + Himalayan Happiness | 4 oz, 6Count | Vegan, Gluten-Free, Crunchy, Protein Snacks

The art of waiting

I should probably have gotten this together by now

But I have not. No I haven’t. I do try alright.

I’m just not that good at waiting.

Nearly sick with worry, I got the MRI results that confirmed

The CT scans I’d already had times two this year

But it almost didn’t happen; I’m still not right.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s how to navigate

The healthcare system from the inside and out

This skill has helped some in this scenario.

The more important skill alas is not a skill at all:

The one that rests in the wings of my Father

And simply dwells, dwells, dwells.

Gratefully too, there are many bottles lying around

Such that when a flare results from dining out

I can deal with it within a couple of hours!

This is really hard, Gentle Reader. Some big decisions definitely loom

The horizon goes so many different ways at distances unknown

Testing everything we’ve done to date to get me well.

So just like when my beloved prepares to take to the skies

We’ll pre-flight the treatment and file some kind of plan

With prayer even if it takes all night.

The large bird of prey knows her strengths, she soars

But even she must stop to rebuild, to prepare

For the journey is open-ended alright.

Some labs decline diabetes while others bring suspicion alright

Of a serious disease, the kind that can kill you

If you don’t get it right.

At least the cyst appears compartmentalized and operable

To remove it seems the right thing to me

The scope to come is the first step.

No, I’m not ready to wrote prose yet, my thoughts too fragmented

Just know that I don’t want to die should it be a dreaded cancer

There’s more living to do just like our date last night.

Thank you Steve.