More arrows pointing at a target

Seems like there are more arrows pointing at the same target this time, but will the archer get it right? You know, the one in the white coat with the big degrees, fancy knowledge, and ticking watch?

doctor, stethoscope, diagnosis, pancreatic cyst, EUS, endoscopy ultrasound, insulinoma

Too bad that it was me and not one of them that pointed out that the pancreatic cyst mentioned on the CT report still needed some kind of follow-up! But maybe it’s alright that things happened in the order in which they did? At least my 32 year relationship with thyroid medication has ended and removed one more factor in an equally puzzling dance with hypoglycemia.

Peripheral neuropathy, heart disease, hypoglycemia, insulin resistance, pain, nausea, and a pancreatic cyst were all written down but no one put them together in the same story until I brought the report to my Doctor on September 11th. Let’s add daily seizure attacks for 7 1/2 years shall we? You know, the ones that we recently discovered can go away sometimes with a blast of sugar? The glucose monitor doesn’t scream answers yet as to why this occurs and how to manage it, try as I do, but some other labs are finally leaving clues.

An MRI and MRCP are behind me and an endoscopy ultrasound (EUS) shall commence but not a 72-hour fasting blood test (used to diagnose a particular type of pancreatic mass associated with hypoglycemia). Oh well. We opted for the local specialist to evaluate me but he only does the former test not the latter. I just hope it wasn’t a mistake NOT to return to the Mayo Clinic and the Pancreatic Clinic this past week. Travelling there is a big deal and trying to get home after procedures is a bear dontcha know.

I’ll try not to ruminate about the potential for pancreatic cancer and hope that this miraculous little finding is ordained by God for a time such as this, to point the new “archer” to a cure for my worst symptom. Who knew that these days when you have hypoglycemia they look for a cause? Decades ago the medical folks just had me eat small meals of particular food combinations; “it may or may not turn into diabetes someday” they said. Similarly I have seen just this year how medical treatment protocols change! Yes, thyroid nodules have not been treated with medication since the protocol changed in 1986! The researcher of that study turned out to be my endocrinologist at Mayo Clinic in March, starting me out on a plan of action that ultimately calmed my fried nerves, weakening bones!

Keep your eye on the ball I keep telling myself. One step at a time: live around the nausea, pain, and increasingly unpredictable convulsive episodes. Figure out what to eat. Cancel plans with your husband and stay home where it’s safe. Yuck! Venture out when you can regardless of how you feel. Keep up with the IV fluids every 2 weeks and take 2 cherries before bed in case the sugar spike prevents the episodes that meet you there every night. Then try to sleep knowing that the tempest beast who has ravaged your neck and back and head thousands of times before is lurking before you fitfully pass out by morning . . .

This hell. The joy is gone. And yet as I have stated to myself before in the words of Moody Church pastor Erwin Luitzer, “when going through hell, don’t stop.” Count your blessings including some new ones here at home; embrace your beloved hubby dear who loves you so. Dwell in the presence of your Savior. Reach out to friends in Christ. Talk to Jesus . . . He is here right now, back there, and out there too.

Twelve more days will have passed and chemically-induced rest for the EUS will be here soon enough. You got this! JJ

But I do this instead

I really need to write but I surf instead.

The taxes need work yet sit in a box behind me.

The stack of files from last year call to me for updating.

The bathrooms still need cleaning the rest of the way, not just the bowls and floors.

Alas, I better sign off.  The first task is now done.

I am now on a roll, I guess . . .

A Bedtime Rue

rue herbKnown as the “herb of grace,” the rue is traditionally known for everything from dissipating flatulence to multiplying sperm.  How fitting for a tiny word often used in common English for an energetic little ditty on a stringed instrument too!

 

But at bedtime we need something a bit more serene and I’m feeling sleepy.  When needing to slow things down a bit even silence is a better salve for the soul.  To dwell in the hushed comfort of the One who knows me so well is just where I want to be this evening after a day that seemed to test everything of late.  So I will turn to the Lord and His Word in what I have heard called the ‘bedtime Psalm.”  Dwell with me awhile before His throne of grace and let our Heavenly Father’s heart speak to yours this day, this night.  I’ll seeya on the other side . . .  JJ

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.moon and stars

Waiting on the Lord

Waiting on the Lord,

Clinging to this keyboard,

Playing the “how long psalm” in my head.

 

Where does my help come from?

So obvious that it’s Him once again

And yet the troubles trouble on.

 

“God is not Santa Claus,”

I once wrote a fellow sufferer, or

One who hands us our lottery happiness ticket.

 

The Lord knows no boundary of time

So our journey must not be measured so

Lest we push ourselves out of His perfect plan.

 

For if we take the reigns

And steer off course by will

We may never see His glorious promise revealed.

 

He will never leave us or forsake us.

He is with us now and til the end.

His mercies renew and He graces us with abundantly more.

 

Humbly shall I remain

Waiting on my Lord with open eyes

For His return in glory:  it will be soon.

 

And on that day I know I will be glad for all.

like a river glorious