The beat goes on

Looking for some meaning in this holding pattern of life

I find only the dings along the bottom of the barrel, cold and damp.

Went on a little adventure with my love only to land in a world of hurt

The ghastly symptoms embarrass me in front of a friend not yet known.

I really try to find a way out of this hell, I really do

With answers only to wait, check this, measure that as it is not time yet.

If only I had the eternal eyes of my Savior perhaps the angst would be less

The long naps on a sunny day awakened with distress of illness would be no bother.

“When?” would be replaced with patience, “why?” with simple faith and trust,

Pain with appreciation of endurance granted only by my dearest Lord.

Hold me now as it is too late for my strength to carry me any more

As this heart ticks off more moments, let me know that with You I will go on . . .


I got to Walmart today

Days where I just exist

Give way to tears

More often than not

Everyday now.

Waiting no longer suits me

Although it is my garment

Worn through hopes dashed

Threadbare to no end.

I study like a school girl

Not sure where the letters lead

Thinking this is “it”

And it is not.

Surely it is darkest

Before the break of day

That is my hope I guess

And my Lord too.

So little do I do

As the grass grows tall

Alone too much too

At least I got to Walmart today!

Walmart, shower, Target, Meme, pajamas, old man, glasses

Bumbling Along

The days are meaningless yet pass anyways

Wanton for a focus, a point, a reason why

So I wander through the rooms, this one and that

Waiting for my moment to arrive:  today or the next?

Ever seeking for answers over here, over there

That email tells me, “watch this!” for new keys

I don’t think anyone really knows how to help me

Sans my Heavenly Father who ordained this journey.

I trust my Lord who sustains me no matter

The segways that come again, again, again

Each one a little different so mindful I must be

Lest I miss the point of this seemingly wretched tragedy.

Pray tell the suffering goes on and on for years

Yet somehow I am not the same for having hung on

My needs provided for with a few wants in there too

Just gotta find some things to hold onto while I dwell in limbo.

For wherever we are going, my Lord Jesus and me

Will be worth it when I am with him always with no more weeping,

Maybe a blessing will come for being faithful or who really knows?

Only in His strength will goodness come as I bumble along til one day I am finally free.


Until then, hang in there Gentle Reader.  And do take care, k?  JJ

We Will be Fine

The plot thickens, my angst flares

Why more nasties when hope came near?

I thought we had it, the Doc and I

But my body freaked out putting me in arrears.

Three infections at once

With more at bay for now

Is much to address

Each in it’s own particular way.

Many calls at night

Hubby running here and there

He is so tired as I

Writhing on the sectional in despair.

Call it die-off

Whatever you may

Take this binder and that

With another remedy in the fray.

I have no idea

If I will ever catch up

The beasts within me win

Or do they?  It is not yet clear.

My eyes are burning

My tummy aching with nausea

The pain is less, hoo-rah!

Unbelievable at a time like this.

So what will I do

To get through another day?

Cancel everything again

Sit tight and hold on as we go this way.

Rougher than most healing

The prize won’t be for wimps,

We elite patients stand strong

In the arms of our Lord holding us up.

Keep your eye on the prize

Solve the problems that arise

One day all will be gone

For in heaven we will be fine!

Rev 21:4, Revelation, no more tears, no more weeping, little girl, hope, trials, scripture, coping, help, suffering



Like an iris corm sleeping beneath the chilled earth

I, too, wait for my moment to emerge from below.

Weathered by icy snow, or warms-n-thaws that heave me so

My countenance strains under the stress despite a Divine plan.

When I stopped asking, “why?” I was left with less hope not more

For my search for meaning had brought me forward to face another day.

No answers have come, few bigger prayers have become reality

Yet my Lord has carried us with His unending love and care just the same.

We are going to make it to a better place one day, don’t you see?

The one where no tears carry the day and all is lovely and good.

Until then I wait or drag myself up after torments in the night, the day

Shall all thus make the happy ending sweeter one glorious day soon.  JJ

varigated iris, hope beyond, Christian, iris, inspiration, garden, meaning, gardening, metaphor, poetry