He loves me

“Why wouldn’t I?” he doth profess of his love to his bride

When the nightmare is lived whilst both still awake and the hour is well past midnight.

The softness in his blue eyes

Shines brightly even in the dimly lit room

As once again the nightly ritual of enduring madness

Takes them both to a place they could never imagine before . . .

Once upon a time in a land 200 miles away

A fine gentleman found his love then lured her away with his sincerity.

She could not possibly know the trials in her tender frame that awaited,

Testing everything she knew about life itself and sharing it with another.

His strength in the Lord, His leadership in their home

Brought agape love, bigger than life and transforming them both

Such that nothing when her wretched, convulsive late night episodes groaned on

Could shake their faith in the One who endeared them to Himself, to each other, no less.

So when will the darkness end?  They often wonder night and day after night

When hope is dashed once again as the optimism of the moment gives way to defeat.

Perhaps they will know someday:  a loving embrace will return unmarked by demons or tears

And in the meantime one thing will remain as clear as crystal with the Redeemer’s love blazing through:

HE loves her.  HE loves him.  And they love them both, no matter, not mattering when.

Indeed how could they possibly ask for more?


Happy Valentine’s Day my beloved Steve.

Happy Valentine’s Day Gentle Reader. 

With love, :JJ

two hands heart sunset



Moments so dear

wed-5In the closeness of our embrace

I longed to stay there all night.

Alas I could not for the darkness shook within my soul:

An unknown sort that is staying longer than its welcome.

He went away to catch the rest sorely needed

After caring for me again late into the moonlight as every night for awhile.

Sometimes it’s just to say “hey,” sometimes to nourish my weakened frame:

Oh how his love has shown true in sickness and in health as promised.

How will I love thee as you have loved me my dear?

Could there ever be a way to fill your coffers with sweet blessings as you have mine?

I hope we have many years to find out together my humble knight

To explore the longings of nights ended much to soon —

In this I too shall rest, with hope and great expectation

Of a day languishing with you in a string of moments so dear.

For now it’s “goodnight my love.”  Until that day comes I shall love thee in my heart more than my touch can say . . .

He’s Still on the Line

hold you tight

Long after my beloved is asleep

Devastated by unanswered prayers and sorrows so deep

I lie awake my body tossing, trembling

Such are the storms of night:  unending.

From wherest does my help come from

When prayers bring no relief with each day’s sun?

The hopes are dashed, the relief doesn’t last

And the damage, the pain continues no less.

So many nights where nightmares became reality

So much suffering sends off all memories of normalcy.

People leave your life even when they like you

For fear, for powerlessness, for horror of what is your truth.

New sojourners may come only to wallow awhile with you

Should you happen to find a way out they will be long gone too.

Choose wisely your inner circle my friend

Make sure the Lord is closest-in when the nightmare ends.

He will never leave:  His love will fill the gaps

Where others must fail, supernatural strength is what lasts.

You can call Him near, like a salve to the wounds of war

Then peace will come . . . you can carry on from there, dear one.

Now here’s a love song that reminds me of these times with my beloved Steve:  he holds me close while the Lord is still “on the line,” listening to our hearts and holding both of us near to His own.   From a simpler time:

Still on the Line

Thunder and Lightening

“Rain, rain go away.  Come again some other day.”

The kid’s rhyme had it right for me this morning.  Oh at first the badda bing badda boom didn’t bother me as the bedroom lit up with a raging thunderstorm storm outside.  The thunder rocked the windows and I’m sure the pup in the kitchen was making her way to cower in the bathroom!  Yeah, I understand that.  It was time for me to retreat as well . . .

When I was a kid we used to say that the boom, boom, bang of a thunderstorm was the angels bowling!  We also said that the rain was the angels crying.  We Catholic kids had a lot of fairy tales we told to get us through the scary stuff.  (Smile.)  Now that I am a believer in Jesus Christ, I turn to the Bible for truth and have learned that angels are real, were created by God, and have specific tasks that they perform both here on earth and in the heavenly realm as directed by God.  Wow.  Angels have nothing to do with thunderstorms!

But thunderstorms have everything to do with my illness of late.  The tic and seizure attacks are worse when the clouds and weather systems collide out there.  I can’t control it nor stop it.  There ain’t no antidote neither.  I just hold on for the ride.  Perhaps it’s part of my sensitivity to electromagnetic frequencies these days, manifest in the computer router, various electronic treatment modalities, and extensive cell phone usage.  Sigh.  What will I be sensitive to next?  Yes, the smell of soap on my husband’s scalp last night came close . . .

And yet today I am grateful for the rain.  The grass was looking a little crispy and I hadn’t been able to water my gardens last night due to noxious symptoms.  So here I sit, earlier than I should be awake on a Saturday morning, feeling “fried” again, and wondering what to do with myself.  My husband left early to run the United States Canoe Association races at Rivergames, part of the 3 Rivers Festival in our city.  He will be racing his Mohican in the K-1 unlimited class against some stiff competition (if TED shows up today!).  I am so proud of Steve.  He held me close last night during severe seizure attacks that lasted about 1 1/2 hours.  Twas hell.  We had some tense words later about some of the difficulties managing this season of life that we are in then we each took care of various tasks before bedtime.  I’m glad to say that we “kissed and made up” too, and all is well again.  About 5 hours later, we are both up again:  Steve is off to the races and what is left of me is here with you . . .

The rain has now stopped and all I hear is the roar of an emergency vehicle’s siren in the distance.  Lord, go before them and be with those in need of your care.  As for me, I am grateful to report that I am now past the personal thunder and lightening that began this day.   For me to be of use for Your kingdom, Lord, I must rest and recover now.  Perhaps I can join my beloved later for the crazy raft races that will follow the USCA races at the Festival.  Yeah, a good laugh will be good medicine.

Looking forward to loving a rainy night one of these ‘ol days . . . Eddie Rabbit  got it right in his song decades ago . . .  Click on the link and enjoy!