My beloved opened the door
And my evening suddenly brightened,
Knowing he would be close with a listening ear
Makes handling the “nasty” less bad and more good afterwards.
I just don’t get used to
The evening ritual of torment
When my world goes dim from sickness
No matter the resting gone before, the mini successes (or so I thought?).
I was just sitting at the table
When my eyes pulled closed and shook
My head and neck followed next then I knew
There were just seconds to get lying down before all hell broke loose.
So I did run to the bedroom
Head turned to soften impact bedside
Eventually pulling the comforter over my broken frame
As the sputtering gave way to shouts of terror, gasping for air, legs drawn up too.
In waves the torment continued
Just when I thought I might cry for help
No words came when Steve came to my rescue
Trying to figure out how to get a remedy inside me as I twisted before his eyes.
Tis trauma for us both
When a Monday night isn’t anyway alright
For I will never accept that fifteen hundred of these nights
Are the way it should be forever, oh Lord deliver me please!
Try again the new this or that
Until we or the Docs get it right or even better
Til that night we will sit talking about our day eye to eye
Then ready ourselves for bed with a tender embrace as it should be.
Oh I know others have their trials
And I grieve for theirs with ours in there too
Let me know your need for prayers, Gentle Reader
Allow me to make good use of this time before the altar: His throne of grace.
My Jesus cares for me, for you
He loves us and lives for our coming to Him
No matter the reason TRUST: all will be new one day
Until then pray for me too, k? I am tired from this ungentle cross at my tableside.
There’s no pretending when the story gets bizarre. I mean who could make this stuff up?
As the grace of the Lord has blessed, I am not bedridden thus far in the ramp up of treatment for a serious protozoal infection. Just headaches, increased convulsive episodes at night or morning, achiness, and fits-n-starts of my ability to function. While this is certainly awful, I was sick like this every day for the middle years of these 4.5 years of illness so I am kind of familiar with it. This time we can call it a “herxheimer” (die-off) reaction and temporary! I am thinking that I have benefitted from a pretty comprehensive protocol that has finally come together:
Unfortunately the bills are piling up as Steve and I go along. At some point we will need to decide how comprehensive of a plan is really needed long term due to the significant expense when insurance covers virtually nothing. For now all I can say is that I continue to move in a direction of recovery and we will figure out the rest as the Lord leads. Our prayers, your prayers are being answered. Thank you for praying. Praise the Lord!
Thank you Jesus for the hope we have in you and that I can see in my life. And please bless my faithful husband, Steve! Lord willing, I am going to get well! :JJ
Psalm 20:7 (NIV)
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.