If you travel the same way and expect different results they say it is the definition of insanity. I get that so I resist the same.
If your baseline shifts and you take the same precautions against a disastrous outcome, you might say you are taking a chance that you might get different results. I usually control the factors I can and go with the new direction . . . when amnesia sets in from the last failed effort and something new looks promising.
If you smash into a devastating blow anyways and have to retreat to combat the devastation, you might say that you were more rolling the dice than making a reasonable plan for success.
If you add too many factors in any plan, precaution, retreat and come up against a surprise attack from an unforeseen foe then you won’t know what hit either one of you until the smoke clears along with your heads. Me: hours of violent convulsive episodes and the aftermath. Him: heartache, exhaustion, and no peace.
And if you are me in the latter years of battling a complex illness, you live in shock from the blows of what hit you in the last 24 hours when it is after 6 days of relatively few symptoms. The new treatments did look promising. They did not hold off the onslaught, however. And you paid one of the highest prices once again this side of heaven.
And if you are the beloved husband trying to navigate these landmines, help fight the war while carrying on with the normal and fun activities of life . . . you will have to watch the horror of your beloved get tortured on the battlefield. You try. Success is elusive or temporary. You fail. Again you grieve and so does she.
And if this well-worn path brings despair then so be it. Tomorrow is still another day. As for me, I’m still here and so is my beloved. Most importantly, I know that my Lord sees my waterfall of tears lain at His throne of grace. Life will go on somehow as it always does; I have more responsibilities now. The despair will give way to some sort of hope in due time; the Lord will add His grace and strength to see me and my beloved through once again.
For today, I am like a beaten puppy on this well worn path of life. It is tough stuff indeed.
A second trip is now behind me to see my Craniomandibular Specialist in a southern state and the problems plaguing me for 6 1/2 long years are significantly less and yet my progress has plateaued. Maybe it’s still the fatigue of travelling alone for the first time in 11 years? Holy cow, I did it! And ugh too. It was hard. Regrouping and resting now, changing up a few things, and I am noticing that those changes are already helping, for example, to reduce the daily headaches to a trace level. Amazing!
I am tempted to be discouraged about the plateau in progress and some setbacks but I will choose not to be so. Both happen in the jagged line of recovery from serious illness.
Life goes on and the care of a family member in that same southern state began before the first medical trip. Looks like the Lord had more planned than we originally thought when my hubby and I took a leap of faith to seek treatment 1,000 miles away from Indiana! We are now preparing to welcome my Aunt into our home for 2 months this summer after many hours of preparation, work, and communication with multiple parties. There is much to do!
Seems that the Lord wants me to keep moving forward as he has created a new role for me with increasing responsibilities: caregiver. I never thought that it would be harder to care for one tiny lady than the TWENTY I served in a day in my professional role as an Occupational Therapist. Right now it is!
My Doctor’s office cancelling 7 medical appointments already this year due to chaotic scheduling issues confirmed my pursuit of a new integrative medicine specialist. My Doc is upset and I am proceeding to transition some of my care to her anyways. The change is refreshing and creates hope in some areas not addressed of late.
Steve and I have several decisions to make should my family member decide to move in with us later this year after her summer visit. Some parts of our life could accommodate her easily, others not so much. We will have some financial decisions to make involving vehicles, housing, and several lifestyle choices. Could be good? We are exploring many options and leaning on the Lord as we go . . .
I am a bit overwhelmed with the new modalities that have come since pursuing specialized Temporal Mandibular Disorder treatment, from application of a TENS unit to switching out dental appliances every time I eat or sleep. Wonder where I have been instead of writing updates on the Hope Beyond blog? I am still here, flossing my teeth 4 times per day! Spitting mouthwash into a baggie in my truck after eating between appointments when away from home is not that unusual for me now . . . from the back of the parking lot where no one can see me of course! Oh my!
The biggest change of late is having a bit more energy and mental capacity to do a little more a few days per week. I am exceedingly grateful for this. Thank you Lord! We anticipate a lot of changes, projects, and the need for both physical and mental stamina this coming year and looks like it is coming little by little. I hope the finances for everything will follow as my Go Fund Me campaign has also plateaued! We will figure it out, so no worries. The first of the two medical trips is now covered, gratefully. God is good and the Great Provider has always cared for our needs. I can see a possibility of working some within a year a so depending upon the needs of our “new” family member; she may move in with us permanently or choose to live closer to her adult children in Michigan. Just not sure yet.
I am tired. Healing takes sooooo much energy from healthy food and rest, good supplements, time with the Lord, and restoration activities with my beloved Stevers. Sunday was my birthday so we did that last one. A simple day was a great gift with my bestest buddy. I love him so much. I am so very glad that you are still here too. I could never have made it today without you Babe. Thank you Jesus for Steve. Please bless him this week and encourage him as he works so hard for both of us. Infuse him with your Spirit to lead us through this maze of life in which we bumble along. Help me to love him, respect him better and better too.
I know that the Lord has gone before me and been with me, drawing me to Himself and bringing me to the moments He planned for me yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I lay everything named here in your mighty hands as I prepare to go to sleep. I know that You are still here too.
And on that promise all of us here may rest. You too. Godspeed Gentle Reader, JJ