When you search no more

Google and Google Scholar have gotten way too much traffic from me these past 8 years of battling serious illness. It’s time to spend less time there and more time dwelling in the presence of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

And so I shall.

Facebook has been my link to the world outside the comforting yet speechless walls of our home when there were no more folks to call on the phone. A recent relapse in convulsive episodes brings a state of mental fog afterwards. While not a true “post ictal” phase of an epileptic seizure, it is still a time when goal-directed activity (as I used to call it when working in my profession of occupational therapy) simply does not occur. Reading short phrases while lying in a passive state is about the best I can do. Well, except when my beloved is nearby and comforts me dearly. But I follow way too many disease-oriented groups on Facebook so spending time there is not really a break from life, a connection to the living, or even as entertaining as it once was. It’s time to spend less time there and more time dwelling in the presence of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

And so I shall.

Endless planning in my mind or on the calendar on my smart phone has increasingly become a source of frustration rather than relief or even hope. Focusing too much on the future brings tomorrow along too soon, robbing me of the gifts all around me in today. I simply don’t know when-or-if I will be a candidate for parathyroid surgery now that I have a diagnosis that explains so very much of what is wrong with my health. I simply have to wait for others to review my case and call me. Steve and I will adjust our schedules and lives accordingly. It’s time to spend less time there and more time dwelling in the presence of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

And so I shall.

Gardening has become both a hobby and source of identity when my role as an Occupational Therapist went away. I am grateful that a couple of months of better health in the spring allowed me to largely finish a rain garden project in my community as a Master Gardener. My volunteer work continues as the Assistant Editor of the quarterly publication, Canoe News (of the United States Canoe Association), and Editor of the monthly newsletter, Across the Fence (of the Master Gardeners of Purdue Extension, Allen County). Often these are difficult to get done; somehow with the Lord’s grace we do. But I am struggling to keep up with our own landscape that requires daily maintenance and some brute strength that is tough for me to do these days. The degenerative changes in my spine are not going to go away so what will I/we do about all of those flower and fruit and vegetable beds out there? Keep watering for now, pray about it, and realize that it’s probably time to spend less time there and more time dwelling in the presence of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

And so I shall.

Gee, suddenly I feel less stressed about things. Thank you Jesus. You care about these issues in my life and in those of the Gentle Readers out there too, holding every one in the palm of your hand, the love in your heart, with the promise of your return. Things will work out according to Your Divine plan for our lives. In this we can rest tonight.

And so we shall, eh?

A new answer to another question I did not ask

Life never ceases to be an adventure if that is the perspective you choose.

Perhaps an underlying theme of the Hope Beyond blog when it began would have been, “the plot thickens.” Or “deadens.” Flash forward about 7 years since my first blog in August of 2012. At my current stage of recovery from serious illness and a turn for the better-but-not-done-yet, I’m going to attempt the theme of “a new adventure awaits.” How is that for positive thinking?

A little trellis project almost 11 years in the making gets completed this weekend! Yay God!

I haven’t written in awhile. Since March of 2019, there are more moments of functioning better each week and I am taking advantage of them. There are also more very long naps of which I am forced to take advantage as well! The the new direction in my healthcare of getting off of thyroid medication created some problems then had an unexpected turn when parathyroid issues were discovered. My labs in both and related camps are all over the place, making for a Peter Faulk’s, Columbo-style of in-depth investigation raise more than one eyebrow of intrigue. Could there be another causative factor to consider in the convulsive episodes, requiring its own investigation? Yes, it appears so. Sure could be possible that the thyroid nodules, albeit shrinking, hid parathyroid tumors that are additional culprits in serious illness. Both hyper/hypothyroidism AND hyperparathyroidism can explain my clinical presentation. It appears that I am dealing with both. Who knew?

Well the Lord knew all along, the factors and their purpose for a nearly 8-year derailment in life as I once knew it. I am beginning to see that everything I have learned to date has NOT been wasted. I would not be able to respond as quickly to new information if there were still dozens and dozens of other medical conditions to rule out or address. I would not have a deep compassion for those suffering chronic illness today. My faith would be weaker and very likely my marriage. I could go on.

Very few folks have had as many medical tests that I have had, even in the community of persons dealing with chronic illness. Some folks stop after medical professionals label you with depression or anxiety. And if a person persists with extensive testing, very likely it’s peppered with questionable, even dangerous energy techniques akin to quackery. Thank the Lord that I didn’t spend very much time with energy medicine. He let me see the demonic influences and/or lack of science then helped me get away quickly thereafter (e.g. Rife treatment using sound and light frequencies hurt me badly.) Other times my Jesus simply closed the door to a promising yet deceitful avenue even before I was tempted to get near it (e.g. tai chi and yoga). This was very difficult at times when I felt desperate in my personal hell or conversely, when the testing and treatments were recommended by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I simply had to decline with blind faith even if that decision appeared to prolong my suffering in their eyes. Very tough road indeed.

Today I welcome the new answers with more of a sense of adventure than fear. Will I need neck surgery if a parathyroid adenoma is discovered? We are not sure yet. My labs don’t fit the typical profile and I have been in that camp dozens of times before. But when 1) both cardiovascular AND osteoporosis can be related to both thyroid and parathyroid anomalies and 2) calcium trafficking/dis-regulation problems can contribute to neurological symptoms, then it seems logical that both would need to be addressed. Incredible. Separate body processes in which anomalies can be the root cause of disease in the 2 different organ systems. And to think that this new adventure would have never happened if I had not gone to Mayo Clinic in February looking for answers about autoimmune disease. But there is no AD. Maybe not even a Functional Movement Disorder. Just another new answer to a question I did not ask. Holy cow! JJ

Psalm 34:8 New International Version (NIV)
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.