Move freely, heal well my dear

 

dancing

The importance of moving

Cannot be understated

The body not the soul,

One’s frame sans the stuff.

Blood flows, lymph drains

Breath deepens, waste can leave

If only we help it with

A little muscle contraction against gravity.

[So easy for her to say to me today!]

I cried in fear

As physical therapy began

I’d been here before

And knew about the score.

But wretched seizures

Met me by each session’s end

My body erased

The good that had ensued.

It could be different

Now that the beast is tamed

Perhaps give way to healing

And actually doing my home exercises?

Ah what a delight that will be

I do see it coming out there

Can almost reach it, so sweet

This is the beginning of healing!

Just had to mourn

Seven years lost since

The time I moved with ease

When no fear waited in every corner.

[Sigh.]

Today marked a new beginning

This time appears to be for real

Thank you my Jesus, for carrying me through

Time to give in to freedom as the healing is now here!

JJ

 

Anticipation

The plans are set, the slow ramp up has begun

The research behind me the appeal for support made clear

Now to endure the daily wrath before newness may settle in.

Another new treatment, oh help me make it to then Lord!

So much at stake if we do not win

This horrific battle of which I have hated so very much.

One thing is clear:  Who holds the future:

My Lord, my King in Whom I trust

Surely He grieves my suffering and waits with us.

My beloved is tired from the journey . . . so very loooong

Mere moments of goodness, many hours of strife

And yet he loves me just the same.

I am humbled.

Perhaps some goodness will come soon?

sunrise, path, beach, anticipation, waiting, tomorrow, sunset, summer

I wait on thee

The needs are placed in the hands that be

My Lord in the lead guiding him, guiding me.

Appointments are scheduled, travel plans now made

Funds graciously coming in from the recent campaign.

I am humbled and anxious and weary and weak

Not knowing which way to turn or what to speak.

We must prepare now and pack as the time to leave nears

So much is there to do, to organize, coordinate, make some repairs.

If it be so that I will sell some things to help this lofty cause

To obtain the treatment that will heal my nerves and my jaw.

Three episodes today, when eating lunch then trying to make dinner

So I pureed my meal and with lots of yummy butter; it was a winner.

It’s too late to cry sans the stains have stung my cheeks and my clothes

I wonder if we will ever get answers from the One Who already knows?

Regardless I will forever choose to rest in the arms of my King

He brought me here, promised deliverance, so I trust Him with everything.

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The beat goes on

Looking for some meaning in this holding pattern of life

I find only the dings along the bottom of the barrel, cold and damp.

Went on a little adventure with my love only to land in a world of hurt

The ghastly symptoms embarrass me in front of a friend not yet known.

I really try to find a way out of this hell, I really do

With answers only to wait, check this, measure that as it is not time yet.

If only I had the eternal eyes of my Savior perhaps the angst would be less

The long naps on a sunny day awakened with distress of illness would be no bother.

“When?” would be replaced with patience, “why?” with simple faith and trust,

Pain with appreciation of endurance granted only by my dearest Lord.

Hold me now as it is too late for my strength to carry me any more

As this heart ticks off more moments, let me know that with You I will go on . . .

 

What could be the cause?

For how many things can you test, research, treat, and repeat

Before you get to your end with hands empty again and again?

Like a parasite sucking the life out of you while it hides in waiting

Adding to your pain, lighting the match of your symptoms once and again.

Don’t expect the ones paid to know to really know anything at all my dear,

Outside of their textbooks even if they read them, even if they look at you at all.

Because if you don’t fit the pattern you really may have no where you can go

And temptation will come to do things only animals might do to get by.

Sounds sick but there is someone out there who understands this bad rap

And sits with you facing that brick wall with pieces of dreams that no longer fit.

You can’t make this stuff up yet this is your reality.  How cruel it really is.

………….

The One who really knows

Has that name you cannot forget

He hung in front of scoffers

Hands nailed, sharp spear in His side.

He chose to hang from that cross

To bear the consequence of this world

The effects of evil you endure

That just wasn’t supposed to be.

He still weeps for your pain

Knows it all very well

Stays near, hear Him speak

Words of comfort if you but dwell.

Never let Him go little broken one

It will help you endure

One day all will be well

That promise is ’cause He loves . . .

And on that you can rest.

Yes, it is now time to go to bed.

………….

Don’t fear the seizures that may come

They have made you braver than anyone

Who else could face the tempest each night

Yet rest in his den without trust in something more?

How ever have you come this far

When so many would have died two thousand times

If you were not given supernatural strength

He has ordained for the days to come?

Only your Lord knows the day and time

When all will be made well, be made right

Until then you hang in there my precious child

I love you and will rock those shakes in my loving arms.

Think on that when the tears surely come

Knowing all are held in my two hands

I count them, bring them my righteousness

In a way only I now understand.

You must trust me albeit a bit blind

Have I not restored from the locusts before?

Have I not given you the love of your life

The dreams of your heart in your home?

So with confidence that comes from Me

Go forth into the night as it becomes day

Knowing My time is not of this world

And your gifts don’t come wrapped as for others.

You will be rewarded for trials

I have promised and this you know

Just trust in your Lord, Jesus Christ

For His love, His goodness will be evermore.

…………

And so I did.  My title was the wrong question.  My answer is Jesus Christ.

JJ

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