For this I have seen

The darkest time of night

Brings hope in ways not the norm:

When breathing is restored and the room stands still

My mind clears and my Lord speaks in ways never heard before.

He knows my frame

And delivers me once again

With less pain overall these days

And more wisdom than trauma for all the suffering.

For alas I can go

To such a wretched place

Time and again whilst wondering “why?”

Only to find hidden answers just for me, in the those tender places.

Not all makes sense

And that can be o.k. in the end

When I know the Lord is at the helm

And uses my suffering for His glory, my healing, to bring light, and more.

No, it was not wasted

When I found you who came along

This way with me where the blackest times of night

Served to shine streams of sunshine into days once lived in shades of gray.

Oh to keep mediocrity!

That would be dreadful indeed.

To never see beyond vanilla, boring landscapes

Creeping traffic in the middle lane when the Audubon beckons in a Ferrari 458.

Mach 1 with your hair aflame

Is bound to singe your eyebrows too

But how will you know if you are truly alive my dear

If you have not seen, tasted death along the edges of life truly lived whoot, whoot?

Because when it is over

A job will be waiting for you as me:

To tell our stories to those stuck in the dark

Or on an exit ramp on the wrong road they once thought went nowhere too.

There is always more

Even when our breaths are numbered

When we each see the door to the last destination

And can no longer wonder if we did too much or too little when our past cannot change.

The door to eternity awaits us both dear one:

With adventure of which we cannot conceive;

A place filled with wonder and no more tears

Where our heart will be home, finally, at last.

Will you risk this to be true and come to Him?

Will you lay down your fight, the need to know

To let Jesus Christ be your true reason to live:

The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end.

Even when in our hearts we must let Him reign

Leading our thoughts and quieting all our fears

Adding His increase when no strength remains.

Finding this kind of peace transcends all we see:

We will find more than the mind can imagine for

We will live at peace I tell you for this I have seen.

:JJ

 

diaperthongGotcha!  ;J

 

A different kind of measure

The risk of including the Seasons of Love You Tube video from the movie RENT in this blog is that this song will now be in my head for days and days!  Well maybe that’s not such a bad thing, eh?

There’s so much Avant guard in this movie that I must warn you that it is not for either the faint of heart or for those who limit their recreational viewing to strictly Christian genre.  This is fringe media at it’s best.  This movie recognizes that love exists in other forms in life.  While I do not want these other forms in my personal life, I do recognize that this kind of “love” provides some meaning for persons who do not understand the perfect love that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Hopefully persons like the characters in this movie will find that wonderful unending and pure love someday.  It’s worth the journey to seek something more than what you can see around you.  It’s a different kind of measure of “love” for sure that extends beyond any season of life.

What I also love about this movie is the passion for life of the characters represented.  I have lost most of this passion with the onset of illness 2 1/2 years ago.  Sure I might get excited about a small project or celebration here and there but I am never very far away from a wretched episode that takes the “life” out of the moment.  Today was one of those kind of days.  The weather was beautiful.  As a matter of fact we have had a beautiful Spring here in the Midwest with adequate rain for the landscape and farmers mixed with incredible 70-80 degree temperatures and plenty of sunshine.  Most days have had some moments of clear weather, making way for virtually all activities outdoors even if for a few hours.  Enjoying 2 weddings and related activities last week were largely met with a backdrop of blue skies.  For this we remain grateful.  The unfortunate reality of today for me was the sprinkling of wretched episodes of seizure attacks every 2-3 hours.  I don’t even know why they happened.  We have removed the known triggers in our home and in my diet yet here I am living in shorter moments of time within which I can function.  Such a bummer.  It’s a different kind of measure of life as most of us define it.  It is life measured by moments.

In particular I love the lyrics of this song because it describes how I must live my life these days.  “In daylights.  In midnights.  In sunsets.  In cups of coffee . . . ”  You can see that I live my life by the task, not necessarily complete activities.  For example the walk I am grateful to have taken with my beloved and our pup this evening required a standing rest break for some noxious symptoms.  We then proceeded home at a slower pace and with me dragging myself along with a somewhat altered gait.  Sish.  Can’t a girl get a break?  I’d love to get back into exercising regularly; I am grateful for a few minutes that the Lord has granted here and there late at night when I’m more stable.  That’s what I mean by tasks.  I guess that’s all I can do right now are some tasks with a few modified activities in the mix.  It’s a different kind of measure of “doing.”

So if this moment is all I have with you Gentle Reader, I invite you to take 3 minutes to watch the You Tube video.  Think about your day today as you hum along or maybe consider the one you anticipate tomorrow with a new perspective:   a different kind of measure.  And if at all possible I do hope you will measure it in love, treasuring the love relationships in your life above all else.  If you should choose to include a personal relationship with God in that collection, perhaps putting Him in His rightful place above all the rest then I assure you that the abundance of love that will return to you will be immeasurable.  Seriously.  He is infinite so His love cannot be measured!  I tell you that His love makes a difference for me on a Sunday night like this.  I pray that His love will make a difference for you too in this moment and all the rest to come.  :J