Only the Moment

Only in this moment are things not as they should be:

Soreness for no reason at all

Sizzling in between the neurons rising up, rising over

Dwarfed by insatiable hunger,

Rushes of warmness then cool,

Joints made of cardboard,

Ah the stress for having reached beyond.

Only in the past was there no name for this strife:

Some kind of pain condition they said

(A hormonal this or that)

Traumas from growing up the way we did were

Leading struggles to find my way in life

Whilst blooming late after deadheading, letting go.

Only looking forward can bring true hope:

The day my body calms at last

My Savior returns and all is made whole

Weeping ends, eternal Spring abounds whereas

The truth reigns supreme as all finally agree.

But only now is the moment in which I contend:

Living in love with my intended beloved

With nights as wildly structured as the days

And breaths carried between words terse with meaning.

For only in the moment is where we too must live:

Look around . . . is there more beyond the view to

Seize right away with a kiss of sweetness at the lips?  Surely something can taste good right now!


psalm 16, psalm 16:11, living life to the fullest, carpe diem, seize the day, peace, contentment

Moments of happiness

If there is one thing that enduring a serious illness has taught me it is this:  to live in the moment is Divine!

The moment is all we really have anyways right?  I mean can you re-live the fabulous breakfast you had 6 hours ago or borrow the great night of sleep you might have in 4 more hours right now?  Nope.  While I do value reflecting on the past and hoping for events in the future, I try to LIVE in the moment.  This translates into a lovely collection of coping and being behaviors that keep me sane these days.  Let’s take 10:51 p.m. EST on Sunday, for example.

Steve and I had a really nice time visiting with his son, Daniel, and his girlfriend Elizabeth.  We enjoyed their happiness, love for each other, and sharing of their plans for the future.  Our time together went quickly and I thought little of my discomforts.  Looking ahead, I foresee many good things for them with the blessing of the Lord on their lives together.  Living in the moment, I refused to consider what it would be like, should they get married, trying to navigate various family activities whilst sick on my unpredictable schedule.  Living in the moment whilst lying in bed with seizures right before they arrived, I refused to spend energy trying to figure out what I would say should I not make it to the living room to see them.  The attacks stopped just after they walked in the door.  The worry would have been wasted if I had spent any energy there.  I praise the Lord for helping me in those tenuous moments.  I praise the Lord for our moments of happiness this evening.

Steve and I are looking forward to several family Christmas activities in the next few days, including a church service in the water-damaged building that is our church home.  This will require me to wear a carbon filter mask as soon as I walk in the door and wait to remove it until I enter the shower at home.  This will require both Steve and I to remove our outer clothing and coats when we get home and toss it all in the dryer as soon as we walk in the door.  This will require an awkward conversation with Daniel and Elizabeth about our mold decontamination procedures should they come back to our house later that evening.  So right now, instead of ruminating about all of this, I am choosing to spend my energy looking forward to worshipping in our church home for the Christmas Eve candlelight service.  It will be my first time with Steve there in over 6 months . . .

Moments of true happiness come easily sometimes and other times they require arduous, copious amounts of work.  All I can say is that in this one moment in time, now 11:04 p.m., I am grateful for a few happy moments today.  This is new for me.  Perhaps I am starting to live again?  Yes.  That makes me happy, happy, happy.

Snoopy dancing

In the present moment

A little something from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (2004)

Rest with me a while.  You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days.  The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty.  Look neither behind you nor before you.  Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion.  Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you.  You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once.  Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you.  Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence.  The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment.  I am with you, watching over you wherever you go.  (Page 186)

Psalm 143:8

New International Version (NIV)

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Genesis 28:15

New International Version (NIV)

15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”