When the adventure is inherent in the day

No fancy definition needed

When the adventure is inherent in the day.

Not exactly a mountain top experience

Or reaching the limits of form and space.

Nor costly in the typical sense of words

For no one wants to spend thousands on health.

Nothing like it in the normal world

But for me it’s no, not, nor, nothing then let’s go anyways.

The effort to live with serious illness

Even when the trials are less to write about

Are no smaller challenge, adventure shall we say

Because you really don’t know the outcome when you head out the door.

There may be pictures (scans), adrenaline rushes (injections) oh my,

Better hold on sissies, cause there ain’t no manual when you decide to try.

And try I have, a thousand times over

To some avail with microscopic progress, not perfection by any means.

Today was no exception as my head swum with radioactive tracer

Driving down the road hungrier, less self-assured, ready to make it anyways.

So what’s in your adventure portal?

The one with an open-ended plan

Make room for the derailments of this life

‘Cause nothin’ better than that Gentle Ones. ‘K Lord, let’s go!

A new answer to another question I did not ask

Life never ceases to be an adventure if that is the perspective you choose.

Perhaps an underlying theme of the Hope Beyond blog when it began would have been, “the plot thickens.” Or “deadens.” Flash forward about 7 years since my first blog in August of 2012. At my current stage of recovery from serious illness and a turn for the better-but-not-done-yet, I’m going to attempt the theme of “a new adventure awaits.” How is that for positive thinking?

A little trellis project almost 11 years in the making gets completed this weekend! Yay God!

I haven’t written in awhile. Since March of 2019, there are more moments of functioning better each week and I am taking advantage of them. There are also more very long naps of which I am forced to take advantage as well! The the new direction in my healthcare of getting off of thyroid medication created some problems then had an unexpected turn when parathyroid issues were discovered. My labs in both and related camps are all over the place, making for a Peter Faulk’s, Columbo-style of in-depth investigation raise more than one eyebrow of intrigue. Could there be another causative factor to consider in the convulsive episodes, requiring its own investigation? Yes, it appears so. Sure could be possible that the thyroid nodules, albeit shrinking, hid parathyroid tumors that are additional culprits in serious illness. Both hyper/hypothyroidism AND hyperparathyroidism can explain my clinical presentation. It appears that I am dealing with both. Who knew?

Well the Lord knew all along, the factors and their purpose for a nearly 8-year derailment in life as I once knew it. I am beginning to see that everything I have learned to date has NOT been wasted. I would not be able to respond as quickly to new information if there were still dozens and dozens of other medical conditions to rule out or address. I would not have a deep compassion for those suffering chronic illness today. My faith would be weaker and very likely my marriage. I could go on.

Very few folks have had as many medical tests that I have had, even in the community of persons dealing with chronic illness. Some folks stop after medical professionals label you with depression or anxiety. And if a person persists with extensive testing, very likely it’s peppered with questionable, even dangerous energy techniques akin to quackery. Thank the Lord that I didn’t spend very much time with energy medicine. He let me see the demonic influences and/or lack of science then helped me get away quickly thereafter (e.g. Rife treatment using sound and light frequencies hurt me badly.) Other times my Jesus simply closed the door to a promising yet deceitful avenue even before I was tempted to get near it (e.g. tai chi and yoga). This was very difficult at times when I felt desperate in my personal hell or conversely, when the testing and treatments were recommended by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I simply had to decline with blind faith even if that decision appeared to prolong my suffering in their eyes. Very tough road indeed.

Today I welcome the new answers with more of a sense of adventure than fear. Will I need neck surgery if a parathyroid adenoma is discovered? We are not sure yet. My labs don’t fit the typical profile and I have been in that camp dozens of times before. But when 1) both cardiovascular AND osteoporosis can be related to both thyroid and parathyroid anomalies and 2) calcium trafficking/dis-regulation problems can contribute to neurological symptoms, then it seems logical that both would need to be addressed. Incredible. Separate body processes in which anomalies can be the root cause of disease in the 2 different organ systems. And to think that this new adventure would have never happened if I had not gone to Mayo Clinic in February looking for answers about autoimmune disease. But there is no AD. Maybe not even a Functional Movement Disorder. Just another new answer to a question I did not ask. Holy cow! JJ

Psalm 34:8 New International Version (NIV)
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Twas the morn of endo

Twas the morning of endo

And all through the house

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a louse.

The kind buried deep inside

The caverns of thy bowel

Who knows what’s it’s name

To be extricated via trowel.

I digress to my gardening

Terms instead of “incision”

For to bear more pain, discomfort

Is not something I can envision.

So to sleep, aye to dream

Via chemistry or exhaustion lo

We soon will have answers

Perhaps by time of ho, ho, ho!

Will this be a blessing

In disguise as gone before

Suffering giving birth to hope

We shall pray as inside goes the scope.

For H. Pylori messes the axis

Of the gut with the brain

And causes problems like mine:

Seizures on top of stomach pain.

Could this be the work of the Lord,

The prayers at once coming true?

Oh heck at least the deep snooze

Will be sweet on this Tues.

A Well Worn Path

If you travel the same way and expect different results they say it is the definition of insanity.  I get that so I resist the same.

If your baseline shifts and you take the same precautions against a disastrous outcome, you might say you are taking a chance that you might get different results.  I usually control the factors I can and go with the new direction . . . when amnesia sets in from the last failed effort and something new looks promising.

If you smash into a devastating blow anyways and have to retreat to combat the devastation, you might say that you were more rolling the dice than making a reasonable plan for success.

If you add too many factors in any plan, precaution, retreat and come up against a surprise attack from an unforeseen foe then you won’t know what hit either one of you until the smoke clears along with your heads.  Me:  hours of violent convulsive episodes and the aftermath.  Him:  heartache, exhaustion, and no peace.

And if you are me in the latter years of battling a complex illness, you live in shock from the blows of what hit you in the last 24 hours when it is after 6 days of relatively few symptoms.  The new treatments did look promising.  They did not hold off the onslaught, however.  And you paid one of the highest prices once again this side of heaven.

And if you are the beloved husband trying to navigate these landmines, help fight the war while carrying on with the normal and fun activities of life . . . you will have to watch the horror of your beloved get tortured on the battlefield.  You try.  Success is elusive or temporary.  You fail.  Again you grieve and so does she.

And if this well-worn path brings despair then so be it.  Tomorrow is still another day.  As for me, I’m still here and so is my beloved.  Most importantly, I know that my Lord sees my waterfall of tears lain at His throne of grace.  Life will go on somehow as it always does; I have more responsibilities now.  The despair will give way to some sort of hope in due time; the Lord will add His grace and strength to see me and my beloved through once again.

For today, I am like a beaten puppy on this well worn path of life.  It is tough stuff indeed.

Dang!  JJ

I long for you

My intended beloved, oh man of my longing

How is it that these things come between you and me?

I lie next to your warmth, oh so ready to imbibe

Til the horror of illness keeps me far, far away once more.

Albeit evil it must be:  a test for my weary, so weary heart

You know my lord and my Lord that I do shake with grief so!

Perhaps just for a time, please wait for me love

I shall return soon when illness has gone one day, I promise, I do.

Until then know that you are the one for whom that my heart sings

The one who loves me so, beyond that which I can even wanton,

My knight in shining aluminum, we jest, but you are indeed more

And know me well, I love you too . . . this is all I need to know to live.

Our Jesus is out in front of us two leading us on

When darkness comes, oh here it is again, we shall not be moved;

Hold me as you are able or as my frame lets you in

Forever in my heart you know you will for always be with  me.

Solomon, 3:4, Christian, marriage, trials, chronic illness, sickness, intimacy, sexuality, wife, husband, Lyme, seizures