When He is All You Have

My beloved is the best . . . but he is asleep as I bemoan my sorry lot.

He holds me close . . . until I react to some scent on his manly body.

It should have a wonderful effect . . . but it does not anymore, sadly.

Such are the ravages of severe illness . . . the kind that makes everything hay-wired.

If I could explain it to you . . . then it would be from understanding myself,

And I cannot dear friend . . . so woe are my words, this night, once again.

But not forever, all night, or after a little while . . .

For He speaks into my heart song . . .

And makes all kinda nice.

My Jesus understands for he hung on a wooden cross . . .

With nails in his hands and feet, a spear thrust in his side.

I could never endure imagine that kind of pain, even if my head banged all night . . .

Let’s just say my Lord knows suffering so His tears comfort me alright.

Even if this Doc or that hath not have the medication right for me . . .

My beloved says healing will still come and my own fasting indicates so.

I shall do what I gotta do to manage this chaos . . . even if I never leave the table by the window at the café of the health food store

Because I can’t think straight and seizures are pushing up from within:  unsafe to make my way home until I stabilize.

“Cmon my Jesus, drive me home

It’s dark already and you are all that I have tonight.”

And so He did when He was all I had.

Goodnight again.

JJ

 

 

 

Treatment Update: The Beasts Within

If you follow as many of the various functional medicine forums as I do, you probably have noticed the topic of parasites coming up more often these days.  In fact, there is a free “Parasite Summit” coming up in September.  This topic became a personal one for me within the past month.  Allow me to explain.

A friend and her sister were receiving some complex treatments for serious health issues that they have been battling most of their lives.  Shortly after their focus turned to testing and treatment remedies from outside the United States, my friend suggested I look into parasites as the potential cause of the seizure attacks I have been battling for over 5 years.  I looked into it.  Their provider would not be for me yet the topic launched me into some new research about the time my hubby and I were set to leave on an extended vacation.  Imagine realizing during your first day away from home that you have a new infection that requires attention IMMEDIATELY!  Yeah, well when your bum itches making you crazy insane, ya gotta fix it FAST!

So right before heading out to my River Bear’s kayaking nationals 2 States away, wifey-poo requests hubby-poo stop at a local drug store for an over-the-counter medication.  Thank the Lord he said yes!  My symptoms diminished within hours!  The problem was not a yeast infection but a nasty pinworm/parasite infestation!  How did I get it?  Who knows?!  Pinworms are highly contagious and you can pick them up almost anywhere.  The big shocker was that the seizure attacks virtually disappeared for the next 24 hours after treatment!  I wasn’t expecting that!  No episodes falling asleep or waking up; barely a little tic-zip broke through here or there.  What was going on?

Three weeks have now passed and I have repeated the OTC remedy a couple of times.  I found that clove essential oil with coconut oil provides some topical relief with the added benefit of killing the parasite eggs.  Who knew?  And now my Functional Medicine Doc is testing me a couple of different ways with a couple of different lab tests to see if we can capture all the critters that may be wreaking havoc “down there,” in my body, and brain.  Yes:  in my brain.  Parasites can move to any tissue in the body once they hit the bloodstream or lymphatic system.  My MRI and CT scans have been negative for typical markers that would suggest Central Nervous System involvement, however, allergies to contrast dyes have prevented use of same in diagnosis.  In the end it really doesn’t matter to me if tests show anything or not.  The idea of parasites just makes sense to me.

Simply stated, parasites develop a symbiotic relationship with their human “host.”  They can actually help the body by balancing blood sugars or harboring heavy metals/toxic chemicals (that would be toxic if left to circulate freely).  Parasites are not a good thingy though.  They can also harbor infectious elements (some have suggested Lyme disease bacteria) setting up resistance to treatment, to eradicating the infections.  And I thought it was the cysts and biofilms that were the biggest issues in treatment resistance!  As they continue to live in our bodies, they drain nutrition and mineral resources in addition to creating a host of negative symptoms that mimic a wide range of diseases.  Gut dysbiosis is a big example to which I can relate:  my Doc wonders if parasites are causing my belly pain which has not changed much after two different treatment protocols for Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth.  He says that worms/flukes/bugs can favor the right lower quadrant and where the trouble lies for me.

But the Palo Alto Toxoplasmosis Serology Lab testing was negative.  Pinworms don’t typically cause neurological problems.  Stool testing hasn’t found anything in the past even when I put a WORM in the sample cup!  Oy vey!  Maybe these two new tests will yield something useful?  In the meantime, I am taking lots of anti-parasitic herbal formulas with a concoction of binders with gratitude that neither trigger seizure episodes as they have in the past.  Lord willing, I am going to get well!  Indeed there are parts of days where I feel some positive changes for the better as a result of these additions to my care.

If you have followed this blog for awhile then you know I am always looking for answers, for hope.  I do hope to get well and am working every day towards that goal.  Overriding everything however is this guiding principle:  that my true hope is in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who will one day make me whole, here with you or when we meet in heaven.  Nothing will change that.  He is gracious and good to me even on my worst of days.  I am so humbled to feel His presence on my bed of sickness as well as the moments where I can have a little fun here and there.  Speaking of fun, did I tell you about white water rafting 2 weeks ago?  Yeah, you heard me!

Stay tuned Gentle Reader.  Pictures and more stories to follow that will blow your socks off . . . or at least get them a little cold and wet!  The Snake River is about 60 degrees even in August dontcha know!  More on that one next time.  Gotta take some stuff and get to bed.

Take care, JJ

white water rafting, Snake River, white water, rapids, Class II, Class III, raft,trip, Mad River, living, in the moment, one day at a time, break, chronic illness, fun

Snake River, Jackson Hole, Wyoming

 

Her Color is Lyme

I am pleased to share with the Gentle Readers of New Hope Beyond Lyme, a second guest blog interview!

Introducing:  Jennifer Steidl, a WordPress blogger from the State of Washington I met after we “liked” each others blogs a few times!  What interested me in reading Jennifer’s story is her devastating exposure to mold biotoxins as a child then her battle with several other serious illnesses including Lyme disease.  What kept me coming back was her gentle way of communicating her experiences and her faith in the Lord.  Please check out her blog at:  http://www.jeanvieve7.wordpress.com/ for more of her story.

And now let the interview begin:

1.  Tell us about your life before Lyme and the development of mold biotoxin illness.

It is actually hard to recall life before illness, we moved into a mold filled house when I was 11 so my (our) health deteriorated after that point. It started with fatigue, sinus infections, and various other symptoms. It took years to discover the problem was mold. We lived in the house 6 years, and after moving out our health started to get better for a time before auto-immune symptoms started to make themselves known.

2.  What role does your faith in God have in your recovery process?

It has been the essential element. I had times when I felt so terrible physically, and was so depressed I think I would have given up all hope if it weren’t for God. And knowing (even if it was only deep down at my core) that He had a plan and a purpose for me brought me through the darkness. I trusted that He led me to a team of doctors that knew what they were doing, and He would not have done so if it were not for the purpose of healing.

3.  How can I keep from blaming God or others for my illness or the things that are going wrong in my life?

I can honestly say I have never blamed God for years of struggles and illness. Been frustrated, angry, depressed, desperate, confused…yes, but not angry at God. I am not being arrogant at all, but rather I had to resort to what I knew was true of God; His character, and the way He works. I am a weak feeble-minded human being and I have doubted these truths many times….but somehow not at my very core. Dive deeply into His Word, pray fervently and honestly, don’t be afraid to ask Him why you are going through these struggles, He will reveal it to you in time. Be open to learning whatever He has to teach you during this time, and what He has given you to teach others.

4.  What are your favorite verses of scripture or Bible stories these days?

  • A Couple of my favorites:  Hosea 6:1-3 “Come, let us return to the LORD. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. “He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, That we may live before Him. “So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going  forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth.”
  • 1 Peter 1:6-7 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

5.  What works the best for you with the difficult symptoms of Lyme and mold treatment?

It has changed over time depending what stage of treatment I am in, but one thing that has made the biggest difference in energy and weight loss has been Cholestyramine. It is used to rid the body of toxins that the liver alone can’t deal with, especially mold toxins.

6.  What 2-3 things do you look forward to the most when you are well?

In some ways it is still scary to hope too much (the fear of not getting to do what I want to do), but that is something I am slowly getting past. On a small scale I would love to really get back to biking. I have a goal of riding 50 miles in one day. Also I would love to get back to yoga. On a large scale I have always desperately wanted to travel, with New Zealand being my number one destination.

7.  Is there anything else you would like to share with the Gentle Readers viewing this blog post?

I hope with all my heart you have a good doctor or team of doctors that really know how to treat Lyme, it’s co-infections, and especially the secondary illnesses that accompany it; heavy metals, candida, parasites….If you do know that what you are feeling now is temporary, and it gets worse before it gets better. You can make it through. Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor/s the tough questions. Do lots of research and know your illness as best you can. Reach out to others both to learn and be learned from.

Don’t let yourself battle this alone. I think this is one of the top struggles of Lymies because so few people are able to understand what you are going through. But be honest about your physical and emotional struggles with those who love you, don’t try and do it by yourself. No matter how terrible you feel at this moment, allow yourself to accept that you are in a privileged place (crazy I know). But God is drawing you closer, so let yourself be drawn into His arms of grace. There is abundantly more for you at this moment in Christ because all else has been taken away, hold onto it, embrace it, don’t let this moment pass you by.

************

Thank you for sharing your story, your heart, and your hope today Jennifer.  I pray that the Lord will bless you on your journey and see your through to complete healing and wholeness.  Take care lady, :J