The times of the day

In my profession of occupational therapy when I specialized in mental health, I often asked my patients to describe a typical day in his or her life.  A practitioner can learn a lot by the presence or absence of structure to one’s routine among other characteristics.  Someone who is depressed, for example, usually starts the day later with a disrupted sleep/wake cycle and has difficulty keeping a meaningful routine.  The days often lack variety, physical activity, creative pursuits/hobbies, social activities, appropriate self care, and regular breaks (for sleep and relaxation).  This can lead to a lack of satisfaction with how a person spends his or her time, an altered sense of identity in the absence of meaningful roles with which to identify, and can even erode the structure needed for at least part of the day that is needed to manage everything from daily habits (self care routines, for example) to emergencies.  The person spends an extra amount of energy just getting through the day and the day lacks enjoyment as well.  A person with an anxiety disorder or an addiction often presents with a completely opposite activity schedule generally characterized by chaos!  Perhaps the mental health issues came first?  Or was it the challenge of achieving a balanced lifestyle in one’s living dysfunctional environment that eventually compounded the issues?  It was my job to figure out the answer these questions and to design an occupational therapy treatment plan accordingly.

I have written on the topic of time management before but not within this context.  And not this personally.  I’ll leave out the assessment forms, graphs, charts, comparison tables, high math, and excruciating detail that would afford me a truly cathartic experience but provide you with a very boring blog post!  Perhaps this summary will be more meaningful than a formal occupational therapy evaluation?

This is what it is like to center one’s life around recovering from a serious illness.

Trying to get enough sleep to function:                   10 hours per day

This includes time that feels wasted trying to fall asleep, waking and go-to-sleep convulsive episodes, recovery time from the latter of those two, ruminating if I should take nap or not during the daytime (increase the hours if I am too chilled/sick to make a decision), waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, additional episodes trying to go back to sleep after getting up, waking up when my beloved is snoring post exhaustion from caring for me, more additional episodes trying to go back to sleep, bedtime preparations (donning the blue light-blocking glasses to foster melatonin production, experimenting with bedtime supplements, arranging pillows and other positioning devices to minimize pain, pre-heating the mattress pad heater to minimize the shock of cold sheets that can trigger seizure attacks), preparing my emergency “lunch” bag of waking supplements/water/snack (to manage blood sugar drops, dehydration, and remedies that sometimes help), struggles to enjoy nighttime snuggles with my beloved husband until the episodes start, and most definitely:  talking to Jesus!

Medical appointments and treatments:                   3.5 hours averaged per day across the week

Medical activities include appointments with my Family Practice Physician/Chiropractor, other Doctors and professionals, IV antibiotic treatments at the hospital 3x/week and recovery time before I can go home, transit time, scheduling, communication (phone, internet, text, and messaging), coordination of transportation when needed, various lab test procedures, detox treatments, pain management-related services, and preparing all food/records/water/supplements/detox materials needed for each appointment.  “Treatments” also include various methods of detox; foot baths; salt/mineral baths; skin brushing; liposomal, topical and oral supplements; updating my daily treatment log; medical filing/billing; special nebulized and dissolved supplements; and an occasional use of essential oils.  (For the past month I have had an average of 7 medical appointments per week!  Eeeek!)

Food and nutrition                                                              3.5 hours per day

Includes making dinner and lunches for my husband daily; making separate, special diet for myself every meal (!); shopping/ordering/freezing/processing groceries from 7 or more sources; planning (research and list-making); portioning-and-freezing (since no cooked food can be stored for more than 24 hours); recipe conversions/managing recipes; updating quick reference sheets of current protocols to keep myself sane and moving forward; and symptomatic adjustments as necessary.

Research and learning                                                     1.5 hours per day

Online medical research dominates my thirst for both information and recovery.  I also include here the review of professional literature and various publications, blogging about various health topics at http://www.justjuliewrites.com, and the investigation of various treatment approaches and providers via a variety of outlets including social media.

Socialization                                                                          2 hours per day

Whether connecting with my really smart and beloved spouse (Steve), texting/messaging/emailing friends, talking with friends or family on the phone, sending someone a card, or the rare chance I get to meet with someone in person, socialization is a highlight of each day!  Skyping with a couple of gals regularly for prayer, scripture, some laughs and tears has become a treasure!  Social isolation plagued me for about 3 years of these past four years of illness when I had to stop everything:  Bible studies, church activities, womens’ retreats, visiting, most travel (when all of our family is out of State), etc.  For a long time my most regular communication outside of our home was largely limited to superficial chats on Facebook!  Many people have left my life . . .  Thank the Lord for those faceless acquaintances on Facebook who were there when I was awake in the middle of the night!

Christ-centered activities                                                  1 hour per day

Here’s another improvement in consistency that includes listening to our pastor’s messages online (since I cannot be in the building due to sensitivities), reading my Bible, prayer, some blogging, and the reading of inspirational Christian publications (ministry newsletters, etc.)

Extreme avoidance activities                                           1 hour per day

Extra loads of laundry, additional cleaning, wiping surfaces with a diluted ammonia solution, management of various masks, preparation of barriers to minimize exposures in public places, nasal washes, and a myriad of other activities not reflected above.

Physical activity                                                                  .75 hours per day

This is the newest addition to my daily routine and comes in the form of more regular housework, walking our dog once per week, 10 minutes on a stationary bike once per week, and some gardening.  This figure is divided by the total over 7 days:  lately I can move around a little longer about 3 days per week for more than a few minutes in a row, yeah God!

Self care                                                                                   .5 hours per day

The time spent caring for myself has only recently increased to improve my appearance sometimes.  It feels good.

Recreational and Creative Endeavors                          .25 hours per day

Herein lies my greatest weakness and greatest area of improvement since starting treatment for chronic Lyme disease.  Until now there hasn’t been much fun:  sewing was limited to mending (!); I couldn’t tolerate listening to music, was too sick for kayaking with Steve (my River Bear), and reading consisted only of my Fine Gardening magazine, my hubby’s war-hero novel, and a few monthly local gardening newsletters.  I sold my jewelry business last Fall and my creative juices stopped as the illness got worse.  Maybe this summer I will actually be able to work in the public garden for which I have volunteered?  Stay tuned!  Things are looking up!  This past week I was able to work in our own garden for 3 hours:  a very physical activity as well as something that I love!

So putting on my occupational therapy hat for a moment here is my brief O.T. Assessment:

The loose schemata above reveals my obvious need for more physical, non-medical self care, in-person social, and recreational/creative activities to achieve a balanced lifestyle.  Incorporating other people into the ones that I am able to pursue will probably make everything more fun and meaningful in addition to increasing social time.  Success will depend upon the ability to avoid noxious exposures until my reactivity goes down; gratefully we are entering into the warmer months here in the Midwest so doing things outside is more possible.  As I eventually spend less time in medical and medical research activities, I hope to pursue more of a primary occupational role either by developing my Two Step Solutions business or returning to traditional employment in a suitable environment.  Volunteer work perhaps at our local Extension Office may also increase.  Keeping my occupational therapy license current, continuing to learn, developing some internet and e-commerce skills, and writing, Lord willing, are strengths that may add to the possibilities without too much additional retraining.

****************

I am grateful to my fellow sojourners who have kept me sane when things have been out of whack! I look forward to finding a way to give back to them and others; perhaps this would be by sharing how the Lord crafted this story or simply living a meaningful life after serious illness.  I will definitely take the time I need to make a good transition knowing that there will be some good days and some that are less so.

Overall, can you hear the hope in my voice, Gentle Reader?  Yup.  Lord willing, I am getting well!  JJ

The Missing Needle Nose Pliers

 flat nose pliers, jewelry making, o ring, jump ring, making jewelry

Husband asks:   Where are my needle nose pliers?

Wife answers after a long pause:  I might have sent them to Minnesota . . .

And then another looooooong pause follows with:  silence!

Sometimes the logic of the moment doesn’t make sense to anyone else but oneself.  Know what I mean?  Hey, I was selling my jewelry business this past Fall and wanted to send along all of the tools that the new owner would need.  I noted that there was a nicer pair of pliers in the tool cabinet so surely hubby-dear would agree that I should make my customer happy to have both pairs needed to successfully open and close jump rings?  Besides, I did ask him about it didn’t I?  He did not remember me asking him.  I did not remember it exactly either.  Well DeeAnn in Minnesota is happily making jewelry and that’s all that counts, right?

Well maybe not.  Within a day I made sure that we picked up for my beloved, a nicer Stanley-branded pair with ergonomic, non-slip grips at Walmart.  Win!  Win?

We employed a similar rationale four years ago when I never really recovered from acute hepatitis.  For more on that story, see the About Julie page here.  It seemed the right thing to do to use an alternative technology to treat Lyme disease when a trial of antibiotics left me wretchedly ill.  Sadly, the Beam Ray Rife machine hurt me, sending me into a tailspin.  There would be no easy solution(s) to this complication.  I developed seizure attack episodes within 3 weeks of running very short programs on the unit which exposed me to various frequencies of light and sound waves.  A dozen or more local folks using their own machines noted benefits.  I did not.  I sold it about 1 1/2 years later with a net loss of $1500 and what has become 4 years of daily convulsive episodes.  This weekend there have been 3 major and several minor wretched episodes within the last 24 hours.  Lord have mercy!

Beam Ray, Rife, sound, light, wavelength, alternative medicine, Ray Rife, Lyme disease
Beam Ray Rife machine

 

As you can read in the link noted above, we have tried many different kinds of valid treatments coached by skilled practitioners.  I have benefitted from taking down mold exposures and illness, mercury toxicity, Candida, parasites, and the extraction of 2 root-canaled teeth.  Even so I feel like a beaten puppy!  But now we know that they very likely are related to Chronic Lyme Disease requiring the use of powerful doses of IV antibiotics for many months.  Seven weeks into the treatment I can tell you that there are some positive changes.  Unfortunately I am having complications from the weekly IV infusions so later this week I will have a port surgically placed in my chest wall.  This becomes a direct-access site without the need for sterile dressings that irritate my skin or superficial phlebitis that has plagued my forearms for about 3 weeks.  (Thank the Lord that I discovered horse chestnut gel when the warm compresses did not help.)  I am also hoping there won’t be any more violent episodes with the treatments. Even intramuscular injections have been exceedingly difficult.  Whew!

So there ya go.  A funny story, an update, and a little hope beyond the saga of late.  Lord willing, I am going to get well!  And when I do I might just get out my own tools here in Indiana, not Minnesota, for digging in the garden.  By the way, Spring weather is forecasted for this week .  Since I won’t be tethered to an IV line I can safely get a little dirt underneath my fingernails if I am up to it before the surgical procedure on Thursday.  The garden pup is ready.  You could say that I’ve traded the needle nosed pliers for an aluminum shovel!  So let’s get to it . . .

I wonder how those carrots are doing that got left in the ground last fall?  Having a little extra time in the soil should make them as sweet as candy by now dontcha know?  :JJ

life began in a garden

The leopard print scarf in the bed

Perhaps it is the sheerness of the fabric that adds allure to the leopard print scarf in the bed with me this evening?  After all the fine braided fringe is as delicate as it is a bit racy draped from my waist, a little off to one side.  Yeah that was fun while I was upright earlier today!  I accepted the compliment from the only homo sapiens of the female genre that saw it.  Oh how I love a great twist on the ol’ oblong scarf look!

But this look continued long after bedtime and not for any reason other than I was not in any shape to return it to the scarf organizer.  So after a wretched series of breakthrough convulsive episodes I finally had the fine motor skills to untie the knot and remove it.  I rather like it draped around my neck in the wee hours of the morning as I sit here blogging in my partial day-wear, partial night-wear.  That’s in style, right?  The ultra casual look of pajama-like fabrics with a twist of animalistic flair?  Sigh.  O.k. It’s just plain weird, I know . . .

The part of the evening that went extraordinarily well was our new Skype Bible Prayer Group.  I am blessed to join a couple of lovely ladies, fellow bloggers for a bit of gaggle, scripture, prayer, and more gaggle.  It’s almost like having them over for a cup of bullet-proof coffee-n-coconut cream (my fav!).  If you too are largely homebound or isolated and want to join a couple of gals on Thursday nights who love the Lord, please contact me via this blog.  We are praying for the gals who may join us in the future; could it be you?  I will also help put together a gentlemen’s group if there is interest then bow out.  Please don’t sit there alone if there’s a tug on your heart to get back into some uplifting fellowship, k?

So some things are a little wild around here as I tweak a new treatment plan for mercury toxicity.  Steve and I are hopeful, really hopeful.  Healing crises are often in the mix of these kinds of things so we will hold on to the promises and cross of our Lord, Jesus Christ as we proceed.  Who knows?  I may even start a new bedtime fashion trend in the meantime!  Who says leopard prints are only for daywear anyways?  Tee hee.  Now I know where your mind just went and I’ll bet your beloved would agree to join you there.  Maybe it’s time for a little spice in this journey too?  Hmmmmm.  JJleopard cub

 

Time for a change

From Family Practice Physician to Lyme Literate Medical Doctor, from Chiropractor to Obgyn, our medical doctor tries to do it all.  I have benefitted from his expertise yet I am still not well.  And when I saw the redness and exhaustion in his eyes during my appointment this evening I realized that he is not well either!

Everyone who sees this gifted physician knows his crazy schedule, his dedication to help everyone in his care, and his history of nearly dying a couple of years ago with his own debilitating illness.  We used to hear how his office conversion to the government mandated computer system was responsible for incredible stress and delays in appointment times.  For example, it was not unusual to call the office in the morning about an appointment scheduled for 10:00 a.m. and not be called in for my appointment until 4:00 p.m. or later.  Forget the ones scheduled after 3:30 p.m. as they were usually rescheduled.  For awhile about one-third of my appointments were re-scheduled, delaying receiving test results or reviewing the status of a particular medical condition for months.  Frustrating indeed.

Yet when there was an acute issue, the Doc was right on it.  When something new popped up I was sent to the hospital in another section of the medical park for labs or scans, held in the waiting room for results, and sometimes seen back in the office much later that night.  To be seen well into the evening was not an unusual occurrence.  My record was an appointment that started at 2:30 a.m.!  He had one more patient after me and had just received notice that one of his pregnant patients was going into labor.  He must have never gone home that night or morning!  Dedication had become insanity.  We talked about it during that visit.  He agreed.  I understand that some scheduling and office procedure changes were put in place for this new year.  As near as I can tell, the staff and Doc are ending their nights before midnight now.  Virtually the same story, different day.

I recently blogged about some important abnormal test results being misplaced for six months.  That has happened another time as well.  Tonight there was only enough time to go over about half of a detailed genetic cholesterol study.  He handed it to me and said, “here, you take this.”  Whaaat?  He thought the “high CBD hemp oil” that I reported was reducing the seizure attacks 40% was vitamins C, B, and D.  Er, no!  After correcting the computer’s voice recognition software two dozen times, I believe he understood what I was saying:  sitting there with my ventilation mask on to avoid seizure attacks from some mysterious exposure in the office.

Mysterious was the exposure until I asked one of the nurses about it.  I had asked before and a different nurse declined comment.  And yet tonight in her own fatigue, a long-time employee openly shared how their office has routine leaks in the ceiling throughout the summer.  The staff has complained about the musty smell and requested testing for mold spores.  Evidently the tests came back “negative.”  The nurses still battle sickness at work.  A friend of mine who is a patient there can detect the musty smell but I cannot.  I just get tic attacks sitting in the treatment room for 2 hours waiting for the Doc!  My worst episode lasted 2 1/2 hours NON-STOP began after midnight dominated by convulsions most of the time!  My husband came to pick me up around 4:00 a.m.!  I’m sure that exhaustion and stress were a factor being in the office so late that night but hey, I was sitting in a water damaged building to be seen by my doctor for mold illness!  Whaaaat?  Soon after that I started wearing a mask every visit!

I have learned so much from my brilliant Doctor.  He is a Christian man who really cares about his patients.  He has provided better care for me for six years here in this smaller Indiana town than I ever received in the large metropolitan area of Chicago.  When my health got significantly worse 2 1/2 years ago I hung in there with him, hopeful that we would find answers.  I was also unsuccessful finding another MD or clinic to address the intractable seizures, pain, etc.  Gratefully, the Lord has now led me to another clinic in Michigan with two physicians specializing in methylation issues and biotoxin (mold) illness, respectively.  After three phone consultations, extensive paperwork, and additional lab testing completed, my husband and I are preparing for my first in-person visit on March 24th.  We will stop at a lab near the clinic for additional blood work to better match Dr. Richie Shoemaker’s protocols for “Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome.”  My current MD and I have worked closely on Dr. Shoemaker’s protocol yet neither of us are officially trained; this led to using the wrong laboratories, incomplete test results when the samples were not processed correctly, and improper sequencing of the treatment plan.  Two very expensive medications from an out-of-state compounding pharmacy either did not work or made me much worse.  We tried!  The biotoxin illness Doc at the new clinic works closely with Dr. Shoemaker and is a Christian too.  I am encouraged.  Lyme disease is not the focus at the moment and that’s o.k.

So it’s time for a change.  I still have appointments on the books with my primary care physician as someone will need to monitor ongoing health issues not covered by the new clinic.  He has asked for copies of all of the testing and reports so I am happy to oblige.  With the Lord’s help I will continue tweaking the dose of high CBD hemp oil in hopes of reducing even further the seizure attacks and noxious symptoms that follow.  The Lord is guiding me step-by-step, including through the spiritual leadership of my beloved Steve.  I am so glad I heeded hubby’s advice and did not start seeing every expert who sounded good on the internet!  When moments are better for me, we celebrate and don’t think about the bad times.  We both see examples of how the Lord has used this season in our lives for His glory.  We are closer than ever, more in love than ever before and for that I am grateful.  I am closer to Christ than ever before as well knowing that He heard my truly desperate cries for help the night before I first started the CBD oil.  I was ready to die and it was not to be.  I was spared from further anguish and suffering, turning a corner to better things at last.

If you are suffering this day, this night:  do not give up!  There’s a blogger praying for you Gentle Reader.  More importantly the God Who created the universe knows your name, sees you, knows your pain, and gave his life so that one day your heartache would end.  Please draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Everything will be worked together for good someday if you but call upon the Lord and let Him into your heart.  These statements are based upon His Word and promises that are true today and always.  The Great Physician will see you through, always my dear one.  Take care,  JJ

And in the meantime . . .

November 20, 2011 around noon.  I was alone when my body began shaking uncontrollably.  I was having difficulty thinking clearly and my speech was strained.  All kinds of fearful, crazy thoughts ran through my mind including blaming myself for what was happening!   It was the day after travelling about 16 hours to see family out of State and my husband had gotten up early after just a few hours of sleep to go to church and out to lunch with everyone.  Having never fully recovered from viral hepatitis 1 1/2 months earlier and somehow surviving the extended car ride, there just wasn’t any strength left to get up in the morning and join them.  Now I was immobilized and terrified of what was happening to me.  Somehow I figured out that low blood sugar was worsening the symptoms.  Finally I figured out that I needed to call Steve:  he could bring home a take-out lunch for me from the restaurant and I would hang on until he got home.  The only problems is that everyone was stuck on the other side of town anyways, with the drawbridge up that connected the roads between us!  Flash forward about two hours and the episode was over.  I fell into a fit full sleep and showered much later that day, pretty beat up from everything and quite embarrassed too.  What had happened to me?

April 15, 2012 at 3:00 a.m.  I awakened on my birthday with a nightmare and unusual shaking.  The nightmare wouldn’t stop even though I was awake, whether or not my eyes are closed.  I remained awake a long time, unable to fall back asleep.  This incident occurred nine days after beginning to use a Rife machine, six days per week.  (A Rife machine generates wavelengths of light and sound in program sequences designed to match the vibrational frequencies of various tissues and organisms in the body.)  Treatment for Lyme disease had begun in January with a 5-week course of antibiotics then continued with Rife treatments late in March when I could not tolerate the antibiotics.

April 18, 2012 at 9:20 a.m.  After running 15 minutes of various Rife programs, I was shivering uncontrollably.  My hands and feet felt extremely cold.  Fatigue overtook me and I napped almost two hours.  I woke up feeling somewhat rested until crashing after additional treatments including the beginning of a series of magnesium injections.

April 19, 2012 around 5:20 p.m.  I am suddenly awakened from a post-Rife treatment nap with the barking of our dog.  I am unable to move for almost 30 minutes.  My mind is dull yet rested until the second Rife treatment two hours later when I felt depleted once again.  I learned that this can be a typical response to various treatments for Lyme disease and is often called a herxheimer reaction.

April 21, 2012 around 3:30 p.m.  From my treatment journal I note, “moderate then moderately severe tics as I went to take a nap.  Cast out with calling out the name of Jesus.  Calmed.  Re-started.  Called out 2-3 more times and stopped.”   A two and one-half hour nap followed shortly thereafter!  Napping became my pattern after running Rife programs; my days were consumed with managing all the aspects of treatment.

The attacks of tic episodes continued every other day or so, mixed with nightmares most every day through the rest of the month of April.  Beginning May 5th, the low grade and severe tic episodes ramped up to virtually every day.   Most often they occurred when falling asleep after a Rife treatment or when trying to fall asleep at night.  The first extended episode that appeared to be a full-blown waking seizure was on May 12th after a nap.  It lasted 1 1/2 hours!  I struggled to keep myself from hyperventilating or stop breathing altogether.  Talking or voluntary movement were extremely difficult and made the attacks worse when attempted.  I cried!  My body temperature dropped and both thirst and hunger pangs increased dramatically.  I was miserable, exhausted, and terrified all at the same time.  While the nightmares would continue most days for another two weeks, they generally ended and recurred occasionally when taking a new medication or supplement.

Flash forward one year.  We remediated our home for mold early in 2013 and both my medication and supplement regimes had changed many times.  The seizure attack episodes increased to a couple of hours on a daily basis with some patterning in addition to after exposure to noxious stimuli.  I stopped attending worship services at our church since it is a water-damaged building with mold.  A recurrent urinary tract infection required treatment with a series of different antibiotics.  The seizure attack episodes escalated into convulsions 1-2 hours after taking an antibiotic.  My world continued crashing in on me as I began reacting to more and more foods, supplements, and types of noxious stimuli including loud music and bright lights.  The tic and seizure attacks ramped up in the summer of 2013 to 3-4 times per day for a total of four hours per day and continued at this level for the next EIGHT MONTHS UNTIL JANUARY OF 2014.

In January of 2014 I was very beat up from the wretched seizure-like episodes.  Remarkably they generally decreased to three hours-per-day in February after a series of extremely strict dietary regimes:  a stricter, no-low-starch-veggie-Candida diet; Candida and mold-free diet; Candida, mold-free, and low sulfur diet; and finally where I am right now:  Candida, mold-free, and low oxalate diet.  I have religiously documented my treatment protocols and responses to them, tracked trends, consulted with neurologists & a pulmonologist, networked in numerous online forums and support groups, and researched every angle of this illness to no avail.  Overall these days, this sickness is looking more like a biotoxin illness than Lyme Disease as evidenced by some genetic testing of late.

As of February 2014, some improvements have come including being better able to stay asleep and having stronger nails!  My hair is thinner and so am I!  However, I am largely deconditioned from intolerance to a full daily schedule of activities including exercise; headaches, global pain, ringing in my ears, and more have worsened.  I haven’t worked in two years and am homebound much of the week.  Concentrating on my hobby jewelry business is extremely difficult.  Somehow I have still continued to blog and am grateful for a two-week improvement in my cognition long enough in October to publish my eBook:  Hope Beyond Lyme:  The First Year.  I am grateful for all of the wonderful fellow sojourners I have met these past 2 1/2 years and have made some new friends too.  When I see that a non-believer has read this blog, my spirit soars to think maybe the Lord is using my trials to reach others with hope for His glory!  To see the Lord, Jesus Christ, as my sustaining grace and a source of hope for enduring the trials of this life makes this blog more than a journal and for that I am humbled, grateful.

And in the meantime . . . I am ready for the seizure-attacks to stop, of course!  My neck is killing me from all of the thrashing about you know!  I grieve the loss of time, the thousands of dollars, the stress, the isolation, and the strain on my beloved Steve.  Will I become disabled or return to work?  There is only One who knows the answers to that question and another big one, “why?”  Gentle Reader, if you have read this blog before, you know what I am about to write here:  it’s o.k.  I’m going to trust the lover of my soul anyways, no matter what happens.  I may try another treatment approach before I can see the doctors in a new clinic up in Michigan next month.  High CBD hemp oil (legal in all 50 States) has been shown to work well for both children and adults with seizures and who knows, it just might help me too.  However, I have been down this road of hoping for a cure before, only to have things worsen.  Yeah, supreme bummer for sure.  Sigh.  It takes what it takes.  Sometimes we wait and sometimes we go backwards.  If the Lord leads me to some new information and gives me the ability to search it out . . . if my husband agrees . . . if the resources present themselves . . . and if there are no barriers after prayer and sleeping on it . . . sure, Ima gonna try it.

So when it works, Lord willing, you can join me in rejoicing for having hung in there with me along the twists and turns of this difficult journey.  I hope I remember to lean on the Lord when times are good as well as when they are bad.  Please help me keep my Jesus in front of me as He goes before me each day.  Now let’s all get ready for some good news, k!