Twas the morn of endo

Twas the morning of endo

And all through the house

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a louse.

The kind buried deep inside

The caverns of thy bowel

Who knows what’s it’s name

To be extricated via trowel.

I digress to my gardening

Terms instead of “incision”

For to bear more pain, discomfort

Is not something I can envision.

So to sleep, aye to dream

Via chemistry or exhaustion lo

We soon will have answers

Perhaps by time of ho, ho, ho!

Will this be a blessing

In disguise as gone before

Suffering giving birth to hope

We shall pray as inside goes the scope.

For H. Pylori messes the axis

Of the gut with the brain

And causes problems like mine:

Seizures on top of stomach pain.

Could this be the work of the Lord,

The prayers at once coming true?

Oh heck at least the deep snooze

Will be sweet on this Tues.

Coming out of the fog

I just might be coming out of the fog

As I hit the 5 year mark of shroudedness

When some bugs in greenish water back then

Everyday put me under severe, daily duress.

I could sell you a book of

Five hundred blogs and two links

With tales of woe then and now that’ve

Filled webpages as I tried to keep on my “think.”

This forum here, now with you this Autumn night

Kept me sane so the cells in my brain did not go to mush;

While firing wacky-backwards without ceasing at times

For waaaaaay toooo long without hope of a rest with a cush.

Looking back, looking forward

And thinking it over some more,

I see da light coming through darkness:

The kind that stays and covers all.

Tis healing that’s on the brink to stay

If I but finish the course with everything

It takes what it takes and it ain’t over they say

And they’re right, “until the fat lady sings!”

Now I ain’t too fat or that big into musical things

There’s more dirt under my fingernails than bylines

Bits o’ gardening, sewing, medical cooking fills the

Hours not counting Heparin and saline syringes.

No matter anyways, anyhoo, anyhow

It’s just the way it went, the road less travelled by

I will be stronger for it in the end they say (and they know)

In due time, Gentle Reader, with the Lord we’ll one day know why.

JJ

Julie Horney, Lyme disease, get well, recovery, healing, gratitude, end of the road, end of the journey, smiling, woman, park, Rogers-Lakewood
Resting with mask in hand by a scummy lake here in Indiana!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Starting Over

Start today and create a new ending

Might be my mantra on this date:

My calendar awash with the death of my phone

Leaving empty spaces in the blocks that measured time.

Oh how I valued my days, my worth by that thingy

When asked to justify this or that,

I could find the day/the hour when the lost hope began

From another closed door once opened with promise, no less.

(Oh why cannot I recall the goodies lain in there too?)

So many files on paper or electronic memory stored away

In my weighty storage that marks thy years, thy self

Perhaps defining who I was over the decades

Including these five years of hell that came to roost.

“But what if I forget?” was be my byline to save

The records of divorce, of deaths, of expertise, of treatments once lived . . .

I suppose I collected hoping to arise somehow better

And yet somehow as my receptacles filled my person emptied too.

Perhaps now is the time to infill on the inside

Not in a black metal coffin with folders numbered by letter

But by character and trust:

That the Holy Spirit within me holds it all in order anyways.

He knows what I will need, where the important things are in His care

When I draw on my Lord’s infinity —

Not the confines of my mind or spaces

Lest I limit my future by my past by carrying too many things.

Yes, let the purging begin.

Let the trusting run faster and freely.

Let the light of hope return even in the faintest of twilight.

Let me start over with a new ending:  this time Divine.  JJ

*****************

Gentle Reader:  This day for us both “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:17-19Niagra Falls, Buffalo, Canadian, falls, rainbow, trusting God

 

I am sure of it

 

Multitasking cartoon

Unlike the brain fog of this cartoon, I am going to get well.  I am sure of it!

The second week into the use of an atypical chelating agent (Zeolite by Zeo Health)  for very high mercury levels has brought more moments of mental clarity than I can ever remember in my entire life.  Oh sure there are ongoing seizure attack episodes yet they are generally 50% improved overall!!!!!!  I could not say this after any other treatment protocol attempted these past 3 years.  I could not say this even after the initial relief from high CBD hemp oil (the industrial hemp counterpart to cannabis oil).  I could not say this after antibiotics or Rife treatment with the Beam Ray.  I did not say this after (27) IV infusions of magnesium last Fall.  I could not say this after extensive and expensive mold remediation in 2013.  Even after aggressive treatment for candida over 2 years, I could not say this.  But I will say it again:

I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!!!!

There is only one person to thank for this new direction:  the Lord, Jesus Christ.  At a time when multiple factors have come together at last, the path has cleared and hope is restored over here because of His mercy and grace.  A key factor in this process is humility.  More on that in a moment.  I also want to thank my chiropractor:  Dr. Lee Nagel at DeKalb Chiropractic Center in Waterloo, Indiana.  He had a hunch early on in my care that I was suffering from mercury poisoning.  After all, two hair analysis tests revealed mercury and other heavy metal toxicity in the year 2000 and again in 2011 but both times my respective Family Practice Physician (FPP) minimized the results.  Both times the Dr. thought I would be unable to tolerate a special type of detoxification protocol called chelation that would be required to remove heavy metals.  So off we went each time in another direction instead until my life of hell began with viral hepatitis October 11, 2011 and escalated into daily seizures beginning in March of 2012.

Dr. Nagle had high mercury levels discovered by his cardiologist.  His health improved after treatment thus placing mercury issues on his clinical radar.  Dr. Nagle, father of three, is one of the most adventurist and athletic people I have ever met (behind my beloved Stevers of course!).  His chiropractic practice rarely includes medical testing but he made an exception with me.  Thank you!  It took a month to get the testing protocol right then the results revealed the shocking reality of a probable root cause of illness for me:  very high mercury levels.  (Please refer to this excellent summary to learn more about this devastating substance.  Original citation available upon request.)  After a false starts with a quack-y Dr. who claimed to provide chelation, my current FPP is guiding me in the use of chelation and increasing other gentle methods of detoxification that have worked well for me.  By the way, my FPP has also recovered from mercury poisoning that almost took his life!

All of this is very humbling after 3 wretched years of illness and 23 years of chronic pain aka fibromyalgia.  While I do recognize that I have a new, long course of treatment ahead of me, I am exceedingly grateful to discover a root cause of much of my suffering.  Holy cow!  A successful outcome could help more than the seizures.  Yeah God!  Both Steve and I are really hopeful this time.  And it is with mental clarity at 4:30 in the morning that I write this to you!  So grateful for the 3-hour nap earlier tonight.  Yeah, the weird sleep schedule continues a bit!

And now about humility.  These entire three years have presented challenges requiring me to trust God for everything up to my next breath.  I submitted to the loving care of my gracious husband as he needed to carry me to the toilet a hundred times; help me to shower, feed or dress me when I could not about once per week; carry me to bed often so he would be near as he tried to catch some sleep before work,  rush me off the emergency room FIVE TIMES, and so much more.   Oh Gentle Reader, have you sensed that I am a recovering Type A personality?  A first born of my siblings in my family of origin?  That I started working when I was 16 years old with babysitting jobs before then?  That I am capable of taking care of myself thank you very much?  This is the longest and most extreme period of need that I have ever experienced.  I have had to let go of everything during these past three years.  At another time I will write about facing death when my breathing would freeze multiple times during seizure attack episodes.  And with all of this, I did not die of embarrassment or lack of oxygen.  My Heavenly Father and earthly husband have carried me through to this next season of recovery.  I AM HUMBLED!  Thank you seems too small.  I love you both!

Briefly, there were two other tasks I believe needed to be completed during this time:  1) learning to depend completely upon my husband for material needs and 2) realizing that the little activities I got to do here and there would become new skills, new relationships, and new activities that would become my future.  Both were tasks that probably would not have come without grounding in Jesus Christ or needing to cope with the crises of severe illness.  I probably would not have seen so clearly and (hopefully) fully submitted to the incredible character strengths of my beloved had I not become so broken.  Steve is my spiritual leader and head of household and I am grateful.  Long before we met I know what it took when my life fell apart in 2003 to soften me into the kind of woman that my beloved would choose to love.  I now see more clearly what kind of man the Lord has provided for me to love in return.  I AM EXCEEDINGLY BLESSED!

So join me, if you will, for an amazing adventure of recovery from serious illness.  IT IS HAPPENING!  So much fun awaits!  Thank you for riding along with me.  May we both praise the Lord for the good that is here now.

Hope is a good thing, eh?  I am sure of it.  JJ

Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.